Philadelphia 76ers Have a Mascot Problem

| by Off The Record

Earlier this week, the 76ers’ new ownership group Apollo Global Management, headed by Joshua Harris, David Blitzer, Will Smith, and Carlton, decided enough was enough with their roided-up rabbit of a mascot.  Its a decision that has already caused massive internet waves throughout the 76ers communities.

Massive internet waves?  Yes, and the biggest question is what should the next 76ers mascot be?  Currently, the task of coming up with Hip Hop’s successor is on the shoulders of Jim Henson’s Creature Shop (the Muppets) and Raymond Entertainment Group (the Phillie Phanatic).

But what about the fans?  The dedicated souls who can be seen at the Wells Fargo Center sitting next to all those empty seats.  Can’t they have a say?  They were the ones who had to put up with watching a bunny for nearly ten years.  And mind you, this bunny couldn’t jump unless he had assistance from a trampoline.  So, technically it was handicapped bunny.

I say, yes, the fans should have a say, so I reached out to all fifty fans and gathered some ideas for the 76ers, just in case the brilliant minds of the two hired firms couldn’t come up with anything.

Brickman:  A big foam brick who comes out during the breaks to propel himself (via cannon or trampoline) at the basketball hoop, only to either slam against the backboard and/or rim.

Turnover:  A big foam apple turnover dessert who comes out during breaks to show off his impressive dribbling/passing skills, only to either dribble off his foot or lose control of the basketball and then throw it into the crowd as a souvenir.

Side note:  Turnover will always be wearing an Andre Iguodala jersey.  Needless to say, so will Brickman.  But only because Andre’s the captain and not for any identifying reasons.

Seats:  A big, empty folding chair who comes out during breaks to give away free tickets.  One lucky fan will be able to sit on Seats during the 4th quarter if he is the only one sitting in the section that is called.

Rimmie:  A big, iron rim who comes out during breaks attempting to have a big inflatable ball, which falls from the rafters, land inside his rim head for two points.  Many inflatable balls fall, but every single one hits the side of the rim to the sound of a “clang” over the arena’s speakers.

Side note:  Brickman and Rimmie sometimes come on the court together and continuously run into each other.  This doesn’t symbolize anything, its just good fun and the kids love it.

Big Shot:  Bring back the mascot who entertained the courts before Hip Hop; however, this time Big Shot brings his wife Missy Big Shot.  Guess which one of them more accurately depicts the past few Sixers seasons?