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One Final Look at the Absurd Roger Clemens Trial

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This is a text message I received about five minutes after the not-guilty verdict had been handed down to Roger Clemens, essentially making the government’s five-year pursuit of The Rocket a completely waste of time and money:

“So lets recap…Clemens clearly did steroids…he went before Congress, under oath, and said he’s never taken steroids…since, as we’ve already established, he DID take steroids, and he was under oath when he said he did not do so, he lied under oath, an immensely serious crime called ‘perjury.’ And yet, he was found not guilty just a few minutes ago. Did I miss something here?”

Nope. That about sums it up. It’s as black and white as can be. Roger Clemens clearly took steroids, then lied about it, and yet the government was so incompetent that it couldn’t find a way to take down Fat Roger and his scumbag skeleton attorney, despite having unlimited funds and the truth on its side.

Just for fun, here’s Clemens attorney, Rusty Hardin, just so you can spend the rest of the day being happy that will never be as big of an insult to mankind as this guy – unless you’re Jerry Sandusky’s attorney.

That was fun. But let’s dive even deeper.

Hardin’s strategy was to attack Brian McNamee’s credibility, which apparently worked, because a jury found McNamee’s story about injecting Clemens to not necessarily be true, causing the not guilty verdict. I guess they just overlooked the fact that McNamee had NOTHING to gain by claiming that Clemens did steroids, or that the entire trial – and circus surrounding it – was clearly taking a toll on McNamee’s life. He looks broken and small, just eager to get on with his life.

Which, again, would suggest that he’s certainly not jeopardizing his freedom by committing a form of perjury that would have absolutely no benefit to him whatsoever.

Eh, let’s not let the facts get in the way of Rusty Hardin’s sneaky tactics. You know what else he did? He put McNamee’s wife  - from who McNamee is currently separated – on the stand to find inconsistencies in McNamee’s story.

Not surprisingly, she told the story a little bit differently. Two things – 1. She probably does remember it differently, because it happened like 15 freaking years ago, so it’s difficult to have everything perfect and 2. SHE HATES BRIAN MCNAMEE! SHE’S NOT GOING TO CORROBORATE HIS STORY! SHE’S DIVORCING HIM!”

So why in the name of Zeus is she more credible than McNamee? She has something to gain by lying – spiting her husband. He has ZERO to gain by blowing the whistle on Roger Clemens cheating.

It’s just sick. After the verdict, Clemens held a press conference outside where he basically started crying. That led me to realize that this fat, washed-up piece of you-know-what actually believes that he didn’t take steroids. He’s so delusional that he’s really convinced himself that despite ABUSING steroids and HGH for a significant portion of his career, he has never cheated.

I also wanted to throw up when – as the Rocket started to cry – Skeleton Hardin stared a slow clap like this was a Hall of Fame acceptance speech (which, if we’re lucky, Roger will never get to give) or that moment in a teen comedy when the guy runs down the girl before she gets on an airplane and he tells her he loves her.

Just like that, Clemens won his biggest game ever. He lied to Congress, then beat them in court because of the incompetence of the government. We’ve seen Roger strike out 20 in a game, win Cy Young Awards and get so deep into steroid-rages that he throws a bat at Mike Piazza, but now we’ve seen it all.

354 wins just became 355, and just like a good portion of the first 354, he got the last one by lying. That’s got to feel rewarding.

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