Rewriting the Old "I Am Tiger Woods" Commercial

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If the Nike were to use the "I am Tiger Woods" promotion today as they did in their first commercial using Tiger, it might have to be written like this:

I used to be the greatest golfer on the tour.  I was achieving legendary status.  Now I am lucky to make the cut against golfers who were once a shadow of me and my abilities.  I have a god given talent that I do not use to it's fullest potential.

I am Tiger Woods.

I am sullen, boorish, spoiled...even childish.  I throw tantrums and display behavior that even a municipal golf course would not find acceptable, but I am able to have fans, spectators and officials look the other way and excuse my antics.

I am Tiger Woods.

I displace blame, and fire those who have done all they can to help me.  I burn bridges and sever ties with people who care about me without regard for their feelings at times. I do not accept that perhaps I am the one to blame for my declining game.

I am Tiger Woods.

I act as though being interviewed as a celebrity in the sport that I have chosen as a profession is beneath me.  I give generic, canned answers to genuine questions.  My demeanor and voice are practically robotic unless I am winning, or I am playing horribly.  My once infectious smile has been reduced to a constantly solemn, blank stare.

I am Tiger Woods.

I have lost my short game.  I putt with little concentration, and seem to put more thought into my wardrobe than the position of my hips on the green.  My once thunderous drives are now merely decent tee shots, at best.  My swing - which was at one time as smooth as polished marble - is now disjointed and awkward.

I am Tiger Woods.

I am a young man, who should be in his physical prime, but instead I find myself constantly trying to heal from injuries and pain.   My knees, neck, back and ankles are a constant source of distraction from my game, and have added to the steady fall of my success. 

I am Tiger Woods.

I used to intimidate and dominate the other golfers on the course, and being paired with me was considered unlucky.  I now look up and wish I wasn't paired with some of the competition that I am faced with, even in smaller tournaments.

I am Tiger Woods.

At one time I was chasing Jack Nicklaus' record, and was to become the thing that legends are made of.  I was going to be an immortal in golf lore.  I will now just be a tale of what "could have been". 

I am Tiger Woods.

Here is the original Nike Commercial:

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