A 27-year-old Canadian woman wrote an honest piece for Jezebel about her experience falling in and out of love with her biological father.
In her shocking and revealing piece, Natasha Rose Chenier admits to having a sexual relationship with her birth father. Chenier first met her dad when she was 19, and in her piece, she reveals that he once told her he wanted to have sex with her “from the first moment he laid eyes on me.” After two years of getting to know each other, the father and daughter eventually acted on their mutual feelings, but each time, Chenier said she felt sick about it.
“We had oral sex a few times, almost always preceded by my descending into a whirlwind of self-hate and disgust and dry heaving over the toilet in the bathroom attached to his room,” Chenier writes. “He lay on his bed looking aloof during these episodes, spouting empty reassurances like ‘You'll be fine.’”
“I imagine that, unless you have experienced genetic sexual attraction yourself, this is going to sound entirely unbelievable. But trust me: it is as real and intense as anything,” Chenier explains earlier in the piece. “The sexual feelings I had for my father felt like a dark spell that had been cast over me. I was not only a victim of my father's two-year seduction; I also felt a victim of my own sexual feelings. I felt ashamed of myself, and I had no one to talk to about it. I wasn't equipped to understand or handle my feelings.”
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The last time she and her father engaged in sexual activity was 2009 when she was 21 years old, and now, six years later, she reveals that therapy has helped her stop hating herself for what happened and acknowledges that genetic sexual attraction can occur between people when they did not know each other growing up. Still, she knows looking back that her father’s actions were abusive
“So here's a new story to throw into the mix: Genetic sexual attraction is normal, and very real,” Chenier says. “If it is a parent-child relationship, the parent, whether male or female, is always responsible for establishing and maintaining boundaries. Failing that, they are sexual abusers. And to the victims of their abuse, I want to say what I have finally been able to understand myself: that my attraction, and what it led to, was not my fault.”
You can read Chenier’s honest essay in full here.