Smoking meth? Dumb. Driving on meth? Dangerous. Driving while high on meth with a glass pipe hidden in your vagina? I don’t even know anymore.
North Dakota woman Jeana Smart was taken to jail after rear-ending a car recently. Jail personnel saw she was bleeding profusely from her crotch, and asked her what the problem was. Smart told officials she had “a pipe in a body cavity.” Upon examining Smart, jail workers found a broken glass pipe and a syringe stuffed inside her vagina. The pipe was smashed in the accident, slicing up Smart’s vagina in the process.
Because she continued bleeding after the pipe was removed, Smart was taken to a local hospital. There, doctors removed several shards of glass from her vagina. Ouch.
After doctors finished, Smart was taken back into custody. She was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance. Her bond was set at $2,000 and she was subsequently released. The infamous pipe, meanwhile, was booked into evidence. I feel bad for the evidence bag.
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So, which is worse: trying to hide a meth pipe in your vagina or trying to smuggle cocaine in breast implants?
Last year, Colombian authorities stopped a suspicious woman at the Bogota, Colombia airport. Upon searching the woman, police noticed two gaping, unstitched wounds beneath her breasts. The woman told police she had just received breast implants, but authorities were skeptical of her claim given the crude incisions. After inspecting the wounds, police discovered that the “breast implants” were packed with 1.5 pounds of cocaine each.
Moral of both stories: find better ways to hide your drugs. Though to be fair, I give each of these women 10/10 for creativity.