Man In Philippines Slices Off Own Penis In Misguided Attempt To Teach Cheating Wife A Lesson Of Some Kind

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That’ll show her!

According to reports in the Philippines press, a man was plagued by persistent rumors that his wife was cheating on him. But Federico Ilustrico was “a very quiet man,” as his neighbors described him. He just couldn’t work up the fortitude to confront his spouse over her illicit carryings-on.

So on Sunday afternoon, he did what any self-respecting man would do, right? He took a razor blade and sliced off his own penis.

Wait. What?

First of all,  if your wife is running around having sex with other men, we don’t see exactly how violently removing your own sexual equipment is going to have any effect on her, except maybe to convince the lady that you are exactly the loser she thought you were in the first place. Good move, Federico.

Second of all -- ouch!

Cutting off any of one’s own body parts is never really advisable, but this one, well, the consequences go far beyond chopping off a finger or two. For one, a lot of blood circulates down there so without immediate medical help, you’ll die.

Maybe that was the point, because that nearly happened to the 46-year-old Ilustrico, of Barangay Tabok, a neighborhood is the coastal Philippine municipality of Mandaue City. The carpenter was saved only by the timely intervention of village elders.

The man told them hat he had first attempted the act of self-mutilation with a knife, but that didn’t work. So he switched to the more efficient razor blade method. Apparently, after his first failed attempt, he didn’t take advantage of the time to reflect and have second thoughts.

Ilustrico got to a hospital in time to save his life. But not his male member.

“His organ is gone and no one knows where he threw it,” said Barangay councilman Jun Suico. “They could not ask him right away when they rushed to his side, as he had collapsed from loss of blood.”

Good luck with the rest of your life, Federico.

SOURCES: Phillippines Star, InterAksyon