Kelly Flanagan's Letter to His Little Girl Goes Viral, Addresses Sexism

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A father wrote his daughter a letter about how she should be treated by her future husband, and it quickly went viral, as it tackles issues of objectification and unfair standards that women are expected to live up to.

In it, Dr. Kelly Flanagan addresses his daughter as "Cutie-Pie," and tells her that he and her mother were searching for an answer on Google and saw that Google suggested a search for "How to keep him interested."

He said he was shocked by the search term, and even more shocked when it came up with a number of articles about how to "be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior."

He told her, "Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to 'keep him interested.'"

In a series of poetic sentences, Flanagan told "Cutie-Pie" what he hopes she finds in a man.

Flanagan doesn't care if "he puts his elbows on the dinner table" or if he "can't play a bit of golf," as long as he treats her with respect and is grateful for her presence in his life.

"Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to 'keep him interested' is to be you," he says as he ends the letter.

While many are praising the letter for shedding light on the beauty standards and pressures women face in today's world, others are criticizing it for promoting the very behavior Dr. Flanagan wants his daughter to avoid.

An Inquisitr writer made the point that Flanagan's use of pet names disempowers women and results in a "daddy" and "princess" relationship.

It could even be suggestive of the girl finding a "replacement father" that would fill a paternalistic role.

The writer also says it ignores the fact that the girl will likely spend many years in her life without a man. 

"None of the writing or thoughts addresses the likely times in a girl or woman's life when she will be uncoupled, assuming the natural state of being for all worthy women is with a man who worships them no matter what," they write.

At the end of Flanagan's letter, which was posted on his site and on Huffington Post, he says the letter was dedicated to his daughter but should apply to all women. 

"I wrote it for my wife, who has courageously held on to her sense of worth and has always held me accountable to being that kind of 'boy,'" he wrote.

And he "wrote it for every grown woman [he has] met inside and outside of [his] therapy office - the women who have never known this voice of a Daddy."

The letter in full reads:


Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be keptinterested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:


Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,


Sources: Inquisitr, Dr. Kelly Flanagan