Society

For Just $39, The Patriot Survival Plan Will Teach You To Survive The Impending Collapse of Society

| by Jonathan Wolfe

Dear future FEMA camp slaves,

Though society’s collapse is imminent, you don’t have to be unprepared. For only $39, you can arm yourself with the knowledge necessary to weather the impending societal meltdown. This meltdown, of course, is Financial Hiroshima. And it’s mathematically certain to happen in the near future.

Aaalrighty then (Jim Carrey voice). Back to reality.

One anonymous man, who refers to himself only as a “Patriot deeply concerned for your future”, has recently launched the Patriot Survival Plan. The plan, which is 85% Federal Reserve rant and 15% shameless sales pitch, claims an impending economic collapse will leave American men, women, and children weeping in the streets as the government pillages everything you hold close.

How does he know? He’s searched classified documents. Documents far too classified for you or I to ever access them.

Of course, there is a “simple yet stunningly powerful” way for you to outsmart and avoid the collapse. And it’s yours for only $39 (on sale, of course. Retail price is $197 - still worth it considering what's at stake). Here, courtesy of Mother Jones, are just a few essential things the program will teach you:

  • How to turn 200 bucks into a large supply of 37 essential food items that will keep you and your family week nourished throughout the crisis…
  • How to make sure Urban Warfare never touches your family.
  • How to keep the military out of your home even if they have an evacuation order (this will save your children decades of nightmares)…
  • [How to] walk calmly through dangerus riots—completely unarmed…This will come in handy should you need to get out and get valuable supplies.

So, this is obviously a shameless attempt to capitalize on the Doomsday Preppers among us. This program won’t actually be taken seriously by anyone, right? Right? Wrong.

Conservative news sites GOPUSA.gov and World Net Daily are actively promoting the program. GOP USA even sent an email advertisement for the program to everyone on their list serve.

Please people, be smarter than this. The economy is rough. You need to hold on to all the money you can. Don’t make it so easy for idiots like this to get rich. 

Source: Patriot Survival Plan, Mother Jones