Animal Rights

Tommy Lee vs. Sea World Over Whales

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It wasn't too long ago that Tommy Lee From Motley Crue suddenly realised he was furious at SeaWorld Orlando after finding out that they had allegedly been using a pick'n'mix of cows' vaginas to bring one of their killer whales (ironically called Tilikum) to orgasm so they could harvest his sperm.

Naturally, because they're actually a super shady organisation who specialise in selling dolphin earlobes to the Chinese triads and not simply, as many think, a zoo in the water, SeaWorld denied it. Tommy Lee, knowing deep in his chemically-damaged brain that something was amiss, refused to admit defeat however, and has come back with an even more damning claim, that they're now playing his music to orcas during one of the daily shows:

"I just learned of the latest way that SeaWorld makes captive marine mammals miserable: "Shamu Rocks," a show in which orcas thrash around in tanks while rock music blares. "

"I'm writing to ask you not to play any Mötley Crüe songs at any of SeaWorld's parks during this sad show. Although we like to torture the human fans who willingly come to our shows, we don't want to be a part of making innocent animals'  lives hellish." 

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This judge looked an inmate square in the eyes and did something that left the entire courtroom in tears:

"I've learned from my friends at PETA that these marine animals are very sensitive to sound, as they communicate by sonar, and loud noises mess with their most basic instincts and drive them more nuts than they already are when trapped in your tanks. 

"Whales are not head-bangers, so stop cranking the music and take one small step toward improving their welfare."

'Drives them more nuts than they are' certainly sounds scientific. Naturally, with claims of this magnitude, SeaWorld had to respond:

“PETA is wrong concerning the effect of music on SeaWorld’s killer whales … we have never played a Motley Crue song in any Shamu show, nor will we. I can assure you the volume of music played during parts of our killer whale shows poses no risk at all to our animals.”

Which for some reason didn't assure Tommy Lee at all, so he wrote back:

“Thanks for the expected lame corporate response which avoids the issue at hand. PETA’s SeaWorld campaign and my letter are based on science from the UN wildlife panel and an NRDC study on how loud noises are tortuous to marine mammals, especially captive ones. SeaWorld won’t address the issue of noise torture because you can’t defend it. I’m glad to know ‘Shamu Rocks’ doesn’t feature any Motley Crue music; PETA members are now monitoring the sad shows to see which bands are featured so that those bands can learn about this issue too.”

Can you imagine the conversations that Tommy and Pamela Anderson (also a staunch PETA supporter) must have had when they were married? Makes Big Brother look like a brainstorming session at NASA.

One final point; how many scientists does  PETA actually employ? Is there anyone at their HQ who actually knows what they're talking about or is it just hundreds of people smelling strongly of Patchouli oil tightly clenching buckets of discount emulsion paint? We'd like to know.