After receiving an unusual gift post-breakup, a woman decided to post it on Craigslist with a ruthless recap of her relationship with a corporate lawyer.
On July 20, a Brooklyn woman posted a “For Sale” Craigslist listing for a Vitamix blender. Entitled “Wanna put my tender heart in a blender” after an Eve 6 song, as reported by Metro. Then she told a comprehensive backstory that ended with her need to sell the kitchen appliance.
Although their relationship got off to a shaky start, the couple was reportedly happy for an unspecified amount of time, according to the listing.
"He's kind," she wrote. "Not like other corporate lawyers, you tell your friends, who smile painfully. He wants to leave Wappen & Kladden! He has values! He's sensitive! You've never been happier, and he says he's never been happier, and for the first time, you know you're in love."
However, things started to change, as he realized he was afraid of commitment.
"One night you watch a movie about the futility of monogamy, and he freaks out," she wrote. "He's scared of commitment. The guy who committed to 80-hour work weeks for nebulous reasons is scared of commitment. The guy who asked to meet your family after you said it would be okay to wait, because commitment can be scary, is now scared of commitment."
She says she also started to sense a lack of connection on her end, as well.
"Lately he seems less cute and more boring," she wrote. "You remember that you're not Gal Gadot and that people are as interesting as you let them be."
After going on a trip with some of his friends, all of whom were “more successful” than her, the corporate lawyer decided it was time to break up.
"He comes over in a panic," she recalled. "He's sad because ‘we used to be so happy.’ He sees you ‘in a negative way’ now. He sometimes even doubts you're attractive. Because lawyers think it's important to present all sides of reality. To acknowledge how illusory everything is, even human connection."
On the day after her birthday, he allegedly forced her to end the relationship. A few days later, she received a Vitamix blender from him.
"He wants to be the hero of this story: ‘I got this girl an epic birthday gift and then we broke up.'"
Therefore, she decided to post this story along with her Vitamix 5200 blender. Whether or not the blender has been sold is unknown.