In a self-deprecating letter, an anonymous farmer recounts his blundered attempt to corral a deer. While the truthfulness of the essay cannot be verified, it makes for a humorous anecdote of man underestimating beast.
"I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it," the farmer began in his account, according to Shareably. "The first step in this adventure was getting a deer."
The farmer decided to one day hide with a rope behind his cattle feeder, which drew the attention of wild deer from time to time.
"After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them," the farmer continued. "I picked out a lively looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me... you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation."
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After tying the other end of the rope around his waist, the farmer approached the deer as it blankly stared at him.
"I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED."
The deer bolted, dragging the unfortunate hunter along with it.
"As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined," the farmer noted in wise reflection.
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As the deer jerked around, the farmer suffered a gash to his head. After 10 minutes of thrashing, the deer began to tire.
"At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual," the farmer wrote.
As the battered hunter attempted to lift the rope from around the irate animal's neck, the deer bit his wrist and refused to let it go.
"The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly," the farmer noted. "I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective."
The farmer then switched tactics, trying to trick the deer by pulling the rope loose with his left hand while it made a meal of his right hand. It was then that he learned "deer will strike at you with their front feet.
"They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed and tried to turn and run."
Just as soon as he turned around, the farmer was given another lesson in the form of the deer bringing its hooves down upon the back of his head.
"Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave," the farmer observed. "I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little baby and covering your head."
After finally managing to crawl under his truck, the farmer cowered until the deer grew bored and meandered off.
"So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds," the farmer concluded.