A California father’s tale of vomit and misfortune has gone viral and has the internet sympathetically dry heaving.
On May 13, Ben Patterson took to Facebook and posted the text messages that resulted after his son, Declan, threw up in his car. The Facebook post has been shared over 149,000 times and received over 91,000 likes in just four days, as people throughout the world laughed and cringed and the events of that afternoon.
In the post, Patterson explained that he and his wife, Stephanie, had met up in order to switch vehicles. She was going to spend time with her friends that day, so he picked up the kids in order to take them home.
However, the drive home was quite eventful. Declan got sick and vomited all over himself. Patterson took a photo to send to his wife, who did not respond.
So this just happened
I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself
I just threw up trying to clean him up
It smells SO BAD
Patterson proceeded to dry heave and vomit on the side of the road. As he was throwing up on someone’s lawn, the homeowner reportedly accused him of driving drunk with children in the car.
I’m trying to explain that I’m a sympathetic vomiter and can’t handle the smell
This is so bad
Unfortunately for Patterson, the woman called the police.
Aaaaand now the cops showed up
Aaaaand now a breathalyzer
YOU OWE ME SO BIG
Patterson passed the breathalyzer test, but unfortunately, his child was still sick. He drove home while trying to breathe through his shirt, as the vomit smelled like "rotting whale blubber."
On the KDVR Facebook page, while some people criticized Patterson for complaining about taking care of his sick son, numerous parents shared their own stories of children vomiting in cars, at church, on vacation, and at other inopportune times.
"Omg I'm laughing so hard!!!" Shanna Olivarez wrote. "I remember dry heaving when I had to clean up kid puke. Been there, done that."
"That's [...] why females are the toughest gender of all, especially moms for we can handle just about anything like the smell of a puke," Eva-Nelson Abrian Lopez wrote.