Relationships

The "Hall Pass": Would You Let Your Spouse Sleep with a Celeb?

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To the fellas out there, imagine the following scenario. Your wife is in Vegas with her college friends for a girls’ weekend. She calls you at 1:30am, wakes you up, and with a bit of slur says the following, “Hey honey, listen, remember that conversation we had about the Hall Pass?”

“Wait what? What time is it?” you ask in a half-stupor.

“Well, ah, um, I wanna see how you’d feel about my using my Hall Pass tonight. I’m at a club with the girls, and you’re never gonna believe this but Alexander Skarsgard totally has a thing for me,” she tells you excitedly…and disturbingly.

“Alexander Skarsgard? The guy who plays for the Rangers?” you inquire, confused.

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“No he’s an actor, the guy who plays Eric from the show True Blood.  Very sexy, has a great body. I’ve had this recurring dream of him rubbing lotion all over me…but that’s beside the point,” she tells you.

“What the f—k? So he wants to hook up with you? He told you that?” you grumble.

“You’re never gonna believe this but he told me he wants to take me back to his suite at the Wynn and make love to me all freakin night long! Can you believe it? How awesome is that?!” she shouts with the sound of her friends high-fiving her in the background.

“Awesome?? This is a joke right!?” you scream.

“Listen honey, forget the diamond earrings you were gonna get me for our anniversary.  Just say it’s ok for me to be with Eric from True Blood for one night and that can be my anniversary, Christmas, and birthday present all wrapped as one…and…you totally have my permission to hook up with my friend Jill Uberstein who I know you have a crush on.”

“Jill Uberstein? Your friend with the hairy face and mustache? You think I have a crush on her? Oh my God seriously?!?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Ok honey, gotta go, thank you so so so so so so so so so much. Love you!”

*****

Truthfully, I could never pull off the Hall Pass exchange. I couldn’t imagine my beloved in the arms of a yoga teacher, pro athlete, rock star, or actor. Does that make me weak and the guy who can pull off the Hall Pass exchange strong? Or is this whole thing about monogamy really just a joke and 10,000 years from now, people will scoff at marriage as a social relic?

Scientists are putting increasing emphasis on a mysterious creature in nature that suggests a life of polyamorous loving might actually be better for society. The Bonobos are a type of ape with whom we share 98% of our genetic code. Bonobos are remarkably harmonious and caring,  with no intergroup killing, let alone any instances of hostile or violent behaviors toward one another. Scientists attribute 2 main factors to Bonobos’ peaceful nature:  a matriarchal society… and non-monagomous, polyamorous, widespread sex.

Hmmmm, sounds interesting. Should you choose to go the way of the Bonobos, let me know how it goes. While the idea of multiple partners is fun to talk (and fantasize) about, and while I do love the show True Blood, I don’t love it (let alone anything or anyone…even copious amounts of sex) enough to let another dude dip his fangs into my girlfriend. Actually, my fiancée. Got engaged yesterday. The shot below was taken by a photograher hiding in the bushes (: