Sex was created by God to be between a man and woman in marriage. It is possibly the closest way in which one person can be connected to another. It was designed to be between two people that are committed to sharing and doing life together. Genesis 2:24 describes a process by which a man and woman leave their families, another unit of close connection, and unite with their new partner.
Sex means that we open ourselves in every way to another. It means that we make ourselves vulnerable to another and create a bond that is not easily dissolved. After the sexual act there is a lasting connection.
Sex Gone Wrong
Sex is powerfully wounding when used wrongfully. It creates ties to another that go way deeper than the mere time in which it takes to complete the sexual act. Sex is not like a purchase that can be returned to a store. Sex means that we reveal ourselves to another in a way that should be rare and not given lightly.
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We can cheapen sex and water down God’s plan for it. We know that it can feel great and so we don’t want to wait! Therefore we justify that sexual play is ok outside of marriage.
However on the other side of wrong sex are the feelings of disappointment and also the now created thirst for more. We have awakened sexual desire at the wrong time and with one with whom we have no promise of fidelity.
God’s Plan for Sex
Sex doesn’t need to be practiced before marriage. A married couple have their entire lives to work at this area. A great sex life can take time to build but that’s fine because marriage is for life.
Great sex is accompanied by trust and giving to the other. Sex becomes more fulfilling because one gets to know likes and dislikes and a person becomes more comfortable with the other.
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Sex with one partner means that there are no comparisons to other sexual encounters and no regrets. It means that we can feel secure in the knowledge that we are the other’s one and only.
What’s OK Before Marriage?
So what’s ok sexually before marriage? Some will say that everything is fine except for actual intercourse. Many compromise on this stance. This is dangerous ground. One thing leads to the next. Foreplay leads to intercourse and this leads to the afterglow and later the thirst for more.
If we think that sexual play before marriage is fine then at what time in the relationship should this commence? How far do you go before marriage?
A broken relationship is painful but is less painful if there has been no or little sexual play.
Sex cannot be divided into steps. Foreplay, the act and after play form possibly the most intimate part of marriage. To break this into anything less cheapens the act, the other person and merely uses them as a temporary form of fulfillment. Controlling oneself and setting boundaries regarding what you will do with another sexually is all a part of respecting and loving another.