On "The Colbert Report" Tuesday night, the wacky host was shocked by Pope Francis' message this week that atheists can do good works and are redeemed by God (video below).
"The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ. All of us, not just Catholics. Everyone! ‘Father, the atheists?’ Even the atheists." said Pope Francis during a Wednesday mass.
“As America’s most famous Catholic, I am the Pope of basic cable,” proclaimed Stephen Colbert. “When [Pope Francis] washed the feet of the poor, I sent some homeless guys through a car wash. I even sprang for the wax.”
But Colbert had a hard time accepting Pope Francis' message, according to ColbertNation.com.
“What the flock?” said Colbert “Even atheists? I am a Catholic and I am a Catholic so I can have the fast track-paradise easy pass... in the words of John 3:16, 'Membership has its privileges.'"
"If the Lord redeems atheists, what’s next? The Lord redeems Lutherans? It’s madness.”
"Was all that time on his knees as an altar boy for nothing?" complained Colbert. "All the standing and sitting and kneeling every Sunday?”
“But after busting my apse in the vineyard of the Lord. some godless good guy can just swoop in at the eleventh hour and and get redeemed? I want a refund!”
"You know what I could have done with all those hours of church? I could have learned slide guitar," claimed Colbert.