With the congressional approval rating hovering around 14%, it’s clear that Americans have little to no faith in our elected representatives. A newly-released letter from a former Congressional staffer suggests there’s good reason for our distrust.
The ex-staffer is a friend of Jezebel contributor Archibald_Perkins. After spending two decades working for representatives on Capitol Hill, the friend couldn’t take it anymore. He/she walked out on their job, and penned a scathing (and hilarious) letter about her former bosses -- also known as your representatives -- and coworkers.
The letter calls out several unnamed Capitol Hill figures for their ridiculous behavior. First up, “The Wuss”:
“My first internship was with a Member of Congress who was terrified of complaints. From a donor, a lobbyist, another member, aliens, his dog, whoever. A nasty call from a constituent, which is completely normal, could have him anxious for days if he knew about it. I watched him get all the way up to introducing a bill, and he got spooked because he thought someone would say the bill was a bad idea. Staff tried to convince him, but he couldn't be budged.”
Next comes Representative “Putting the Country First”:
“A few years ago, the entire country was on the brink of a recession and financial meltdown. Congress was about to vote on TARP, but what was the pressing issue in my office? What did we have to have a staff meeting about [ASAP]? Appropriate shoe attire. An individual who was about to vote on one of the most historic pieces of legislation didn't have the courage to face his own staff to discuss his discomfort of heel height.”
Then there’s the “Candidate with the Goldfish Memory”:
“This guy couldn't remember anybody's name, despite multiple reminders and working with us for almost a f*****g year. While most people think that's normal for a politician, keep in mind that 15 people like me moved their lives across state lines to work 14 hour days for his semi-literate a**. And the pay was less than minimum wage.
I take that back. He only remembered two names: Shane and Kelly. Shane and Kelly were my coworkers, and the candidate knew that. He just didn't know who they were. All the guys were called Shane and all the girls Kelly. Shane made a great point ,’If this guy wins, someone is going to ask him who he wants to bring to DC with him. It'll just be me and Kelly!’”
Don’t forget the “Disappearing Congressional Staffer”:
“It doesn't matter what time or what day it is. There's a 50/50 chance this woman will be at work. And when she does show up, she enjoys a breezy 10:45 AM to 3:30 work day with at least an hour disappearance during lunch. She strategically picked the office that had the back exit so she'd make a show of coming in and then POOF! The first year at that job, I wasn't sure she existed.”
And finally, the “Paranoid Campaign Manager”:
“The campaign manager never wanted any political position in writing. If you put something in writing, it can be misconstrued, misunderstood, used against the candidate, taken out of context, re-purposed, put on a billboard, or picked up by a spy drone. I don't know. But she was convinced that putting anything other than this guy's biography on paper would be a complete disaster.
She also thought voters were stupid. "Someone asked for a position on greenhouse gas emissions? Who would ever ask about that? That guy's an outlier. No one else is going to care about issues like that. Talk him into donating or volunteering instead."
Doesn’t it feel good to know that such intelligent, driven people are running the country?
She closed it out with a bang:
"After nearly two decades of unpaid and underpaid work, student loans for two degrees, late nights, playing therapist/nanny, dealing with angry phone calls, and always being on call like a sleep-deprived Florence fucking Nightengale, I got tired of hearing "You're not dedicated enough" one last f**king time.
F**k you people."