Entertainment

Oh, Behave! Pippa Middleton is Now Eligible

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Pippa Middleton and Alex Loudon are Hollywood’s latest pair to have purchased their tickets to Splitsville. A close friend to the ex-couple told the London Times that Pippa, who’s recently discovered the celebrity world, and cricket player Alex, who much prefers a laid back lifestyle, have simply grown apart.

Here’s the statement issued to the Times:

“It is common knowledge in their close circle of friends that Pippa and Alex have recently split up.”

The reason for the separation is largely believed to be Pippa’s new celebrity status, which conflicted with Loudon’s more laid back and private demeanor.

Anyway, let’s hope she can find herself a new man that can “handle” a few papzis and their cameras. She’s already been seen with her ex-boyfriend, the Duke of Northumberland, and has indulged in a few of Prince Harry’s crumpets (now, behave, tame those nasty thoughts . . . the two have gone out with each other on multiple tea and crumpet dates — how freakin’ wonderfully British).

If Prince Harry and Pippa get any closer, one might think a wedding could be in their future. And if a wedding resulted, one might think the Middletons are slowly and diabolically conspiring to take over the Crown, in which case we’d have a fantastic premise for a Lifetime Original Movie.