Candy

Pat Robertson's Web Site Warns Against Demonic Halloween Candy

Opinion by AUSCS
(October 29, 2009) in Society / Education

Put aside your fears of swine flu. TV preacher Pat Robertson’s Web site has just issued a bulletin warning Americans of the real threat we face this season: Demons may be lurking in our Halloween candy.

In a column on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s Web site, writer Kimberly Daniels asserts that “demons” sneak into bags of Halloween candy at grocery stores.

“[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches,” Daniels wrote. “I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”

The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, urged Robertson and Daniels to lighten up.

“I’ve heard of the devil being in the details, but to think he’s lurking inside a Snickers bar is a little too much,” Lynn quipped. “Pat Robertson has always peddled some scary stuff, but this is over the top.”

Added Lynn, “I hate to see all of that candy go to waste. I wish Robertson would send it to me, because I’m throwing a Halloween party and could use it.”

Daniels asserts that far from being harmless fun, Halloween is a veritable doorway to hell, full of literal monsters.

“Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats,” she wrote. “It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.”

Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition and an influential player in American politics, has long opposed Halloween. As far back as 1982, he attacked the holiday as a “Satanic ritual” and said on the air, “I think we ought to close Halloween down.”

CBN later produced a pamphlet titled “Hallowed or Harmful: Christian Perspective on Halloween.” It asserted, “During Halloween, little children in particular are the weak ones.”

On Oct. 29, 2007, Robertson called Halloween a “festival of the devil” and added that celebrating the holiday is “a mistake for Christians.”

Lynn urged Robertson to take a deep breath and try to relax. “I think Pat has been watching too many scary movies,” Lynn said. “Still, if he doesn’t want to celebrate Halloween, that’s fine with me, but he should quit trying to spoil everyone else’s fun.”

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  • JBarnett
    Demons in my candy?

    rrriiiiggghhhhtttt......

    (...lets out a slow whistle and passes hand across face...screws frozen smile on real tight and backs away...)

    Whew! That was a close one! Glad I didn't make eye contact with those people. Now, where's my hubba bubba......

    - JBarnettUS October 29, 2009 7:45PM

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    • Babaroni
      What

      What would we do for entertainment without Pat Robertson and crew around?

      - BabaroniUS October 29, 2009 7:54PM

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  • MrBook
    easy

    I have my house blessed once a month by a Buddhist monk... keeps the daemons out.

    - MrBookUS October 30, 2009 7:04AM

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  • Rashi18
    Possessed

    Help me I'm possessed! (My wife says she'll never let me go)

    - Rashi18US October 30, 2009 7:25AM

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  • ttut21
    Where I live

    They have Trunk-or-Treat... Where all of the people who are scared that their children might see scary candy or get attacked by a creepy old guy or a bunch of hooligans.
    That works for me. Let's them be worried and my doorbell ring a little bit less.

    (You guys are right this is ridiculous)

    - ttut21US October 30, 2009 8:58AM

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  • Don Earl
    Pat needs a bigger god.

    Imagine anyone believing in a god that is such a limp wristed wuss he can't even keep minor evil spirits out of children 's candy . Mr. Robertson should trade in his whimp of a god for a bigger and better one.

    - Don EarlUS October 30, 2009 11:42AM

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    • Babaroni
      Best...

      Best. Post. Evah.

      - BabaroniUS October 30, 2009 11:49AM

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  • Submariner
    Why is it the candy that makes this crazy?

    If it's ok to believe in gods, devils, angels, and spirits, why is it the candy that makes it ok to ridicule Robertson et al?

    Reminds of that joke about Dubya:

    “George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd.”
    -Sam Harris

    Seriously, I don't think hardly anyone actually believes this crap; just a bunch of people second-guessing each other and a few false-positives that turn out to be insane people, as above.

    - Submariner October 30, 2009 1:44PM

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  • wulfmankarl
    Robertson Admits Using Prostitute

    Shocking revelations from Robertson during a Debate with Larry Flynt. Recording is recent from a Duluth radio station.
    http://02e56fa.netsolhost.com/blog1/index.php /2009/10/30/pat-robertson-admits-using-a-prostitute-?blog=1&title=pat-robertson-admits-using-a-prostitute-&disp=single&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1

    - wulfmankarlUS October 30, 2009 3:22PM

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  • cbooh
    omg

    now i know why women each month crave chocolate and then act like demons they are taking them in....this man needs serious help

    - cboohUS October 31, 2009 12:14AM

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  • bug
    Nuttier than a snickers

    A Halloween poem:
    Those Candy Demons
    have made me fat.
    my face broke out my kids a brat
    Feeling lowly
    my stomach's sick
    An excorcism may do the trick.

    I'll call up Pat
    He'll say a prayer
    He'll make those demons disappear
    And we'll all be safe until next year.

    Happy Halloween Only Pat Robertson is nuttier than a Snickers bar.Name a candy bar after him call it the Nutjob.Sugar free and spiritually safe.

    - bugUS October 31, 2009 6:21AM

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  • MrBook
    weapons grade crazy

    Well it looks like Pat Robertson has decided to hide the truth from people... he has taken this insightful and educational post down.

    Of course nothing is ever forgotten in the internet ... so here is a bit more of the post for everyone to enjoy on the eve of All Hallows day.

    {The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

    * Sex with demons
    * Orgies between animals and humans
    * Animal and human sacrifices
    * Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
    * Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
    * Revel nights
    * Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
    * Release of "time- released " curses against the innocent and the ignorant. }

    Happy Halloween!

    - MrBookUS October 31, 2009 8:11AM

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  • andrewdang
    wtf

    If it were true, why wouldn't they just curse everything in the whole store? Cursed toasters and sporks would be some pretty creepy stuff.

    - andrewdangUS November 2, 2009 12:06AM

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