Syndicated radio host Alex Jones has a newsflash: juice boxes and kettle chips are part of a conspiracy to turn America's schoolchildren gay!I knew my mom always had a sinister glint in her eye when she was slipping that Capri Sun into my lunch sack. What, you thought it was called fruit punch because it's made of fruit?!
(Actually, as insane as this person is-- and while I don't think being gay has anything to do with a sudden urge to go "plant rose gardens"-- I have to agree that the chemicals in packaged foods are probably pretty bad for you. But let's not let that get in the way of making fun of him!)