Need a fake doctor's note for work? Maybe you need to create an employment history. Or do you just need a plausible alibi? Believe it or not, there's a new business that will basically help you fulfill your cheating needs.
According to a report in the Broward Palm Beach New Times, a South Florida man -- who goes by the trustworthy name of Jimmy H. -- has started a company called Establishing Solutions, which, as the name suggests, helps you get out of whatever mess you need getting out of.
It offers what it calls "personal wing-man" services including:
Pseudo Work History -- AKA embellished résumé and fake cover letter.
Pseudo Travel Agent -- Airline, hotel, and car rental confirmations that look like the real deal. "This package works well with swingers too!" the company's Web site boasts.
The "infinitely customizable" Pseudo Alibi Package -- Use your imagination, and Establishing Solutions will keep up with your every lie.
Pseudo Doctor's Office -- Is your boss wondering why a deep bronze tan is a side-effect of that 48-hour bout of food poisoning? Establishing Solutions will whip out its version of a physician's pad and get you out of jail free.
Pseudo Rescue Call -- Not like a 911 rescue call. This is just an "OMG, you need to leave that awful party because your third cousin from Arizona has fallen ill" call.
Pseudo Call In Sick -- For those fake illnesses that are too severe for you to call your boss yourself... or for bad actors.
Date Getaway Call -- You get the idea.
Private Shopping -- No, not like a stylist. This service is for people who don't want certain purchases showing up on their own credit cards -- like those assless chaps you've been eying for that certain someone unbeknown to your wife.
Jimmy says in the one month he's been in business, he's gotten a few inquiries but just one client -- someone who needed a fake doctor's note.
"(The client) had taken a week off to go to Key West, and they needed a note to go back to work. The situation was that the lady, she had previously had cancer, and she was just finding out that everything has cleared up this week, and she wanted to take a week off. We kind of added that into the doctor's note saying that she was clear of all the cancer and tumors. Testing was the excuse.
"The note read something like this: From this day to that day, this person was under my care -- basically stating the doctor... on hospital letterhead and everything. I'm not going to divulge [which hospital]. It was a real one."
Jimmy said he came up with the idea one day when he was thinking about fake job references. It took off from there, in to what he hopes will be a million dollar business.
While Jimmy will do virtually anything for a client, he won't cross the line into illegal territory.
"It's just creating the paperwork and everything. No, that's not illegal. I mean, if we were doing it to a government job or something, it would be illegal. If they were going to the military or something like that, I would not allow it."
He knows some people will have a problem with his new business.
"Morality... is different for every person. Some people will find it immoral; some won't. I don't find it completely immoral, but I'm just looking at the market of it.
"Don't think too much into it. If you need it, use it. If you don't need it, don't use it, don't worry about it."