Parenting

Married Women, Call a Therapist Don’t Sign Up on Ashley Madison!

| by Dr Michelle Golland

Cheating is never the answer no matter how slick and sexy the advertisement may be! Noel Biderman in my mind is a calculated drug pusher. His drug is simply denial and avoidance! When a couple has reached the point where one of them is reaching to a website to cheat discreetly they have been going down the road of unhappiness and disconnection for some time. 

According to Ashley Madison one of their biggest increases in women signing up is the Monday after Mother’s Day.  This is one of the saddest statistic’s I have heard in a long time. You have mothers waiting and hoping that this one Sunday filled with high expectations from their husband will somehow make things “better” in their marriage.  It turns out to be the straw that broke the marriage’s back. Give me a break! These mothers clearly were on the road to cheating prior to a Sunday in May! The descent into divorce begins long before one of the partners finally decides to step out of the marriage sexually.

Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation and add more carnage to your marital problems. I believe that sometimes a long-term, healthy, conscious marriage requires three people but the extra is not a mistress or lover, rather, it is a well-qualified relationship therapist that can make the difference. The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, it can be done but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal.

So, rather than go down the road of cheating, in essence giving up your marriage, it is better to get the help needed in your marriage before that bell is rung.  I laughed when I read that Mr. Biderman who created Ashley Madison.com said he received hundreds of emails saying that his site has saved marriages. PALease! First, make no mistake, his primary goal is to make money. Plain and simple it is about cash, cold hard or should I say cold-hearted cash. You see I don’t choose to live my life unconsciously.  Pushing people to cheat by making it “acceptable” in some form is in my estimation just an example that Mr. Biderman is living on the dark side filled with denial himself and wanting to get others to live just as in authentically and dishonestly as him.  But hey this is America and we are free to be as stupid as we want to be right? I just want people to realize that the drug of denial and avoidance he is pushing will, I promise you, come back to bite you if not sooner than later.

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There will always be cheaters but I ask you do you want to be on the team of such an emotionally un-evolved denial promoting individual as Noel Biderman and Ashley Madison.com or on the team that fights for marital health, honesty and emotional understanding. I beg you if you are on the verge of cheating on your spouse and so frustrated in your marriage that what your spouse does or doesn’t do on Mother’s Day may be the tipping point please call in a professional. 

You, your spouse and your kids deserve a fighting chance to get your marriage back on track even if it feels like it has been run off into the ditch of possible divorce. Ashley Madison.com charges $50.00 but I promise you once you click on that site your next bill just may be that of a divorce lawyer who charge more than ten times that an hour! A therapist to deal with your relationship issues will run you about $150.00 a session a real bargain on the road to a healthy, happy and fulfilled marriage.