Look, I get Charlie Sheen’s appeal.
He embodies the American can-do spirit in the face of turmoil and non-stop tribulations. After all, here is a man who had a very difficult childhood as the son of a rich and famous actor. Money, women and a red carpet into the most profitable, recession-proof industry in the world were put in front of him at a really early age – and the guy still managed to make something of himself.
Despite all of those hardships, somehow, Sheen has persevered and gone on to make undeniable classics like Grizzly II: The Predator and Deadfall. He has evaded death by overdose, domestic assault charges, death by overdose, bad marriages, death by overdose, a complete lack of acting chops, and death by overdose time after time.
The man is should have a holiday named after him or something.
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Recently, Sheen sat down with Sports Illustrated to do an interview about a movie where he really showcased what a chameleon he was by playing, get this, a bad boy pitcher who chronically couldn't stay out of legal trouble.
There were a lot of name-dropping gems in the interview, but surprisingly few "winning" quotes. The part that really tickled everyone, however, was Sheen admitting to using steroids during his preparation for movie.
SI: You never told me why you didn't like the haircut.
Sheen: I didn't like the haircut because it generated so many comments in bars. I've got enough of that already. Add that to the mix, and it's a recipe for a fistfight. I was already bitchy because -- let's just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids. I did it for like six or eight weeks. You can print this, I don't give a f---. My fastball went from 79 to like 85.
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SI: What made you want to take steroids for the film?
Sheen: It was all ego, vanity. I think it led to my arm problems because it doesn't enhance the strength of the tendons and ligaments, it just makes the muscles bigger.
For those keeping score at home -- add ‘steroids’ to the list of illicit substances that have had the misfortune of wading through Sheen’s innards. Not that he didn’t have a good reason, clearly. Adding an extra six miles per hour to your fastball for a movie that won’t showcase your real throwing speed either way makes perfect sense.
You have to wonder, though, if Sheen isn’t just getting steroids confused with something else. When you’re busy snorting blow off a porn star’s back, it’s tough to really keep track of what’s going in. It could be cocaine, steroids, laundry detergent, sugar or ground up tapes of Young Guns. Who really knows?
Anyway, Sheen’s steroid-taking days are obviously far behind him. You don’t mess with that nonsense when you have tiger blood and are the real life equivalent of Harry Potter’s archrivals. Still, it’s cool to know even fake baseball players need the juice.
Charlie Sheen, ladies and gentleman. Winning at everything besides sanity and being a fully-functional, moderately decent member of society since 1965.