Wedding Etiquette Takes a Back Seat in This Gift Basket Battle
Who would’ve thought that bringing a thought out gift to a wedding could cause such a stir?
One Canadian wedding attendee received a rude text following a recently attended wedding reception that resonated with him so much that he decided to document the whole thing.
The following is the exact letter the man wrote to Editor-In-Chief of Spectator Paul Berton on Monday:
Hi Mr. Burton,
I think I may have a story that is up your ally, there are quite a few details, so I will try to be as brief as possible. I would prefer it if the names could be changed, if you go with this.
On a recent Friday I was invited (plus guest) to the wedding of a girl (I was her boss at a family, corporate style restaurant, I have since left the restaurant). The ceremony was at 2PM with reception to follow at 5:30.
The ceremony was short and sweet, the brides said their "I dos" at a lake side garden in Stoney Creek.
As a gift, my Girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce.
On the card we wrote "Life is delicious....Enjoy"
The day following the wedding I received this text from the Bride I worked with:
"Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can't eat any of it lol I'm gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt"
To which I replied:
"Ahh shit! Really!?
"We had a great time. Thank you again for allowing us to be a part of the celebration."
To be honest, I was a little thrown off by this. A few weeks before the two of them came to eat at the Italian restaurant I currently work at (paying with the Gift Card I had my owner donate to their doe and doe.....but I digress), and both ate pasta, and not our gluten free stuff either.
I wrote it off as post wedding jitters, or a onetime laps in etiquette. Shared the text with my girlfriend, "hmmmed" and "hawwwed" over whether to dig the receipt out of the kitchen garbage can, and did a whole lot of head scratching.
The next morning (Father's Day) while having Brunch with my daughter, girlfriend and girlfriend's daughter (Which was amazing, at Spencer's on The Water in Burlington) I received this text:
"Hey (writer) it's (Bride 1's) wife Laura. I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday. I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :) "
At this point I am PISSED OFF to say the least. After mulling over it for a few hours I decided to send them both an email via Facebook (I would have sent it to their personal e-mail address, but I don't have either. That is how close we all are) This is the message I sent:
"Hi , I want to tell you how incredibly insulted I am in both of the messages you have sent me over the last two days. (Bride 1), I am sorry that you have intolerance to Gluten, I am sure that makes life difficult at times. However, to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of. That is until you, Laura, messaged me today.
Laura, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.
This is not even close to being the first wedding I have attended, and actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette, a step in the process the two of you clearly skipped over (clearly displayed by Laura chewing gum, like a cow does hay, while walking down the aisle). Here is some help for you..just a heads up for the future.
The Bride's Etiquette Guide: Etiquette Made Easy, Second Edition. Here is the link.
Too bad you didn't read this, or any other etiquette guide prior to your "big day". In respect to this particular topic, I would turn your attention to pages 147-149. I am sure you will not bother to follow this link, so I will fill you in. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all, let alone be so boorish to message someone with your disappointment in said gift. Also, you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it. On that note, I seriously doubt that you had an expense of $100/plate. If you did, you were taken for a ride.
In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the "friends and family discount".
I'm sure that one, or the two of you will mature, and grow into adults who will take a different, more respectful, LOVE based approach when you invite guests to your next wedding."
At this point I thought we were done....Boy was I wrong
The texts continued:
Again... Out of 210 people at a wedding... The only I gift I got from all was yours... And fluffy whip and sour patch kids. Your Facebook message had nothing to do with the gift. Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven't gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person... But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can't even eat. If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing yourself walking in with a gift basket probably re gifted cheap ass. Again.. Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!! How about you tell people what you gave as a 2 person gift to a wedding and see what normal functioning people say about it!! Do a survey with people u know... And tell me what 100% of them tell you!! Wake up dude
it's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to, I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!
(Admittedly, throwing the legality of same sex marriage at them was wrong, I strongly believe in same sex couples rights to marry. I was mad, and lost my train of thought for a brief moment )
Lol. Your an idiot. Go research more on life
You should have been cut from the list.. I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts.. I was right
Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. - George Carlon.
You just proved this to be true.
Thanks for the fluffy whip :). Have a good day
Now, my ask to you Paul...Will you help me by asking your readership, whom I believe are "normal functioning people", if what my girlfriend and I gave is acceptable. The bride did tell me to ask people I know, but I figured they may just take my side, so I turn it to the Spectator, and the great people of the 905/289.
Commenters on Jezebel have so far seemed to side with Gift-Basket-Guy. One writes, “were these two brides raised by wolves? the appropriate response to any gift is thank you. A wedding should be a celebration of your love not a call for gifts. awful human beings. they deserve each other.”
Another says the following:
"If brides/grooms can't afford to get married and offer their guests a meal to celebrate, then they should skip the party! If the brides/grooms expect a cash gift to cover the cost of the meal, put it on the invitates and let people decide if they can afford to attend the event and/or send a gift. Picnic basket gift? I'd remember the giftee every time I went on a picnic. It's been years since I've seen a picnic basket with stuff in in for under a hundred dollars.The brides were inviting people they barely knew, and then proceeded to mock the gifts they got."