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My Father, the Porn Addict: One Daughter's Perspective

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I am the daughter of a porn addict. I can't remember how young I was when I discovered my dad's porn collection. It started when my brother and I were flipping through the channels and stumbled across the Playboy channel, or something like it.

I might have been under 10. Later, I found some VHS tapes, erotic books, and as I became older, DVDs. I was curious, and watched them and read them. But also embarrassed, knowing that these belonged to my father.

Now I know that I was too young to be exposed to sexual imagery and ideas. And I was exposed to a lot of it.

Then the internet came into our home. Our family had one computer, and it was kept in the living room. It became an unspoken rule that I didn't go into the living room when my dad was on the computer. This was a challenge, because our house had an open floor-plan.

One time, my dad came home from work. I was studying in the living room. He sat down at the computer and started going to porn sites. I got up and left. Didn't he know I could see what he was doing? I was disgusted and embarrassed.

As I got older, the porn addiction became more glaring. He would stay up late on the computer. I would hear him get up in the middle of the night to go down to the computer. I would wake up in the middle of the night, and hear "sex noises" coming from the computer.

I have no idea if my mom knew or not. Sometimes she would make idle comments about how much time my dad spent on the computer. I'm sure she was in denial.

I'm now 26. I live on my own (well, with my boyfriend). I never slept around, or took-part in any crazy sexual experiences as a result of my father's addiction. But, it is really hard for me to accept the fact that all men don't want a "porn star" for a partner. I have a hard time accepting that some men can be happy with one woman, not needing to use porn/strippers/prostitutes or female objects as a release.

I know this is long. I'm reaching out to see if there's someone out there with a similar experience.

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