Parenting

Sex, Happiness and Parenting

| by Jill Sweetman

Can Sex Bring Happiness?
Sex can be like an addiction. When used casually and in a relationship where there is no long term commitment, it provides the high and feel good but then the act is followed by a low as the realization hits that we have misused this God given act.

Sometimes believers will then feel that they must marry this person with whom they have had sex because within their being, is the understanding that sexual intercourse is God’s gift to marriage.

It cannot be explained in man’s words but sexual intimacy connects one to another in a way that nothing else can. Sex creates vulnerability.

Some give up their quest for sexual purity and will have several sexual partners in their lifetime which again leads them through emotional and spiritual turmoil apart from the other risks of disease. Often these people carry deep secrets and a sense of shame that is devastating. It takes a bold person who understands God’s power and grace, to again determine to live a life of abstinence until the marriage day comes.

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Finding Happiness
Sex can be used as a means by which we attempt to find happiness. One of my greatest lessons in life was the comprehension that I cannot look to another person to bring me happiness. It’s an unfair expectation to put on another person. It is only Jesus that completes us. This is found through the word “sozo” in John 3:17. It means to “complete” or to “fulfill” us. Christ does not just provide the journey to heaven but He is our fulfilment.

Bold Parenting And Sex
As a kid, sex was never discussed. I had great parents but it was just one of those topics that was left to the education system. Being one of three daughters with a father who traveled, and then being sent to an all girls’ school probably didn’t help in the understanding of sex.

Sex education nights consisted of a film while students sat embarrassed and giggling. Usually a booklet was given at the end of these nights and that was it. Of course this left most of us with a curiosity that was heightened and no idea for the use of this amazing act called sexual intercourse.

We as parents need to get bold in our parenting regarding this topic. Not so much as bossy and overprotective but rather know that you must lead your kids. We as parents should be the greatest influence on a child’s life. And so determine to be a great example and strive to do as much right as you can so that they have great examples.

Sex can be an embarrassing discussion with kids and so keep it fun and light. Forget majoring on the sensible terminology. Our children are curious about this stuff and do not see with the eyes of an adult and so if the Bible speaks of the body’s anatomy in differing terms, then why cant we?

The Song of Solomon is filled with terms that describe the body parts in terms other than its proper labels. A woman’s breasts are called “towers” (oh so how some of us wish) while Proverbs 5:18 describes genitalia as a fountain.

Talk to them and laugh with them and teach them the reasons for God’s boundaries for sex. It’s not just about diseases and not getting the girl pregnant but wrong sex fills one with shame and confusion let alone how to look at the other if a relationship ends. It creates an intimacy and a connection that is frightening except in the confines of marriage.

Remember how difficult it was as a premarried and therefore while you instill boundaries, be loving, understanding and explain the no’s and yeses.

Lastly love your child in ways that help them feel strong enough within themselves to commit to sexual purity. If affection is needed, then lavish them with affection. If time is needed, then make this time.
If a belief in themselves is the remedy, then fill this void in their lives. The eighteen or so years that we have with our children is an investment that can affect their lifetime.