Gay Issues

Surprise! Gay Group Kicked Out of Conservative Conference

| by Jerome McCollom

"It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain." - Francis Maude
There are gay conservatives. There are gay atheist conservatives. Not many of these, of course. GOProud is a gay conservative organization that has been kicked out, at least for the next couple years, of a conservative conference called CPAC.

See, the conservative movement is divided between those who think gays are the greatest threat to the world since an asteroid hit our planet 65 million years ago and killed off the dinosaurs, and those who don't.

Wait, let me take that back. Those who believe gays are such a dire threat do not believe that an asteroid hit the earth that long ago and killed the dinosaurs because A) dinosaurs are a myth and their bones are planted by the devil to fool us or B) man lived with dinosaurs only a few thousand years ago (the 
Flinstones being a documentary) and no writing of a big rock hitting the earth is in the bible. 

People turning into salt and living in whales, yes, but nothing as "silly" as an asteroid hitting the earth. See, the religious right really doesn't like gays, so you can understand how annoyed they would be for gays to be there.

Could you imagine someone trying to hold a segregationist
rally and African Americans wanting to join 60 years ago? That would be just rude! By the way, I wonder if there is a Muslim conservative group at CPAC. If so, how long would they last? The religious right sure doesn't like those guys much either. In fact, they try to get mosques banned, and not just in New York City.

The religious right wants a tent (a cliche in politics) the size of an umbrella, because they want nobody who thinks differently than them, at least on social issues, to get an invite. In fact, they want  to hire the biggest burly bouncers from strip clubs, though none of them have ever been to one. Maybe to pray for the strippers, but that's it.

This leaky tent does, however, allow economic conservatives who support policies that lead to jobs being sent overseas to be worked by teens in sweatshops. That's pretty much O.K., along as those sweatshop workers aren't involved in gay sex. Economic conservatives want weaker regulations on pollution, safe workplaces, child labor and pretty much any and all laws and regulations enacted in the last 120 years.

But, they really aren't opposed to gay rights, they are mostly apathetic about it. But, they want to ensure that religious conservatives get people out to the polls to challenge the "gay agenda." Yes, that is an actual term commonly used by the religious right. I didn't just make it up. I also didn't make up the part about religious conservatives and dinosaurs. They believe in that also, including some believing in the devil planting bones. I couldn't make this stuff up.
Let's face it, in 50 years 95% of religious conservatives will support gay rights, just as they do now on suffrage for women. Suffrage for women (though they strongly deny it now) was opposed by religious conservatives and supported by humanist, non-religious progressives like myself. GOPROUD will be invited to future conservative conferences and all will be forgotten.