Forget Popular Opinion, Tony Dungy is the Worst

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I know that he was once a quality player. And I know that he was the first African-American coach to win a Superbowl. And I know that he speaks softly, except when he invokes the Master of the Universe: the God that won the Superbowl for him ("The Lord orchestrated this") that one time out of thirteen seasons.

Forget Tony Dungy. I'm sick of his self-righteous, soft-pedal messiah complex. I'm sick of the deference the on-air sportsjacks pay him (contractual obligation). I'm sick of Dungy being a confessor/redeemer to every player who raises dogs for bloodsport, beats his wife or loves the purple drank. I'm sick of his self-appointed nonsense maneuvering to become "The Conscience of the NFL."

Forget Tony Dungy. Forget his nonsense religion, forget his nonsense "faith and family" accolades, forget his nonsense belief that we must alter our Constitution to stop the gays, forget his nonsense pre-approved handclasp with President Obama.

Tony Dungy says, "I'm on the Lord's side."

If he has any proof, I'd love to see it. If there's no proof, then he's a big freaking clown. This is the same psycho mentality which has plagued humanity from the beginning: some clown thinks that he knows God's will. See: persecution, history of. You know who else thinks he knows God's Will? George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden.

Regarding Mike Vick's dog-fighting lifestyle, Dungy regrets that he didn't take Vick fishing and allow Vick to absorb the celestial grace flowing from Dungy's tackle box: "If we had eight hours on the boat, maybe I would've found out about it. Maybe everything would have turned out differently. Maybe it all would've been different."

Yeah, if only your humility hadn't prevented you from saving Vick from the (gay?) Devil.

When asked by Bob Costas about having a gay player on his team, Dungy paused for an uncomfortably long time, crossed his arms. And finally said, "I'm sure I would talk to him about my views on it, what the Bible says about it."

What the Bible says is that gayness bad. Like, really bad. Really, really bad. Almost the worst possible thing. The Bible also says that working on the Sabbath shall be punishable by death (Exodus 35:2). Just checking ... when do they play pro football games? But I guess that's something you can take or leave, as long as you know God's will.

Tony Dungy hates cuss words, such as those which flow from Rex Ryan on Hard Knocks: "I have not watched it. I've gotten the reports. I'm disappointed with all the profanity."

Judging something you've never seen? Priceless. What's really choice is that he says his number one fan, Roger Goodell should take a look into the matter of all those cuss words.

So God's sidekick Dungy will lobby the league on behalf of dog-fighters and against speakers of profanity. What, is he running for political office in the Spanish Inquisition?

Faith? His Faith is a selective reading from bits of his Bible ... you know, only the bits that allow him to judge and condemn other people. Family? I don't see how the results of his family authority could be considered felicitous.

Prior to last year's Saints-Colts Superbowl, Tony Dungy says, "[Manning] is going to have those rings Sunday night. I don't think it's going to be close."

Wrong, you clown. Perhaps Dungy is wrong about other things as well?