Fantasia Overdose: “I Wanted It To Be Over”

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Fantasia Barrino is talking publicly about her recent overdose/suicide attempt, and she’s admitting that she indeed wanted to die.

Fantasia, who has an album coming out tomorrow, 8/24, “Back to Me”, admits she was trying to commit suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills and aspirin two weeks ago.

The former American Idol winner will talk openly about her suicide attempt on an all-new VH1’s Behind the Music, set to air tomorrow, Tuesday.

“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with, all of it, all of that s**t. I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”

Fantasia has been battling public scrutiny over the fact that she has been seeing a married man, Antwaun Cook. That was definitely a factor in her suicide attempt. “I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their s**t, I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it.”

She says she never had any intentions of breaking up a marriage. “When I met him, he was separated – wasn’t living in his home. He didn’t want to be back with his wife, that is what I was told.”

Barrino’s manager, Brian Dickens, may have saved her life. He is the one who found her in her room on the floor. The two had exchanged text messages earlier that had tipped off Dickins to the overdose. “Her emotions were extremely low. She’d been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying ‘I love you.’ I wrote back, ‘I love you more.’ Then it hit me. I wrote, ‘You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.’ And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, ‘Already did.’ I went into Fantasia’s room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped.”

Fantasia says she was still in a funk when she awoke in the hospital. “I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.’ ”

“I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like I can’t, I can’t go on, it’s too heavy. That was somewhere I don’t ever want to go again.”