Sex Assault Lawsuits Against John Travolta Dropped

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In what must be one of the fastest resolved celebrity lawsuits in history it seems as if John Travolta, he of the supposedly rosy buttocks and chapped bottomhole, has managed to get both cases against him dropped by doing absolutely nothing. It's a phenomena(-on).

Yesterday, as the fourth non-celebrity popped out of the woodwork to accuse John of touching him and his pals inappropriately (albeit not in a court), it seemed as if the Hairspray star was doomed to a life of funding his own multi-million dollar films and flying around in his own 747. Even the fact that his first accuser had got the actual date of his encounter with Travolta wrong didn't seem to put plaintiff number one off pursuing the suit.

However, today has been a much kinder day to John, as not only has the first anonymous accuser been dropped by his lawyer, Okorie Okorocha, after apologising to the press (via Radaronline):

"I'm going to file a dismissal of John Doe #1's lawsuit on Tuesday morning, without prejudice. I could no longer represent him because he was speaking to the media against my advice, and it made no sense to me. I don't think that John Doe will be pursuing the lawsuit,"

...But the second has said he'll happily drop his case to settle for £250k out of court, again represented by Okorie Okorocha:

"My client will settle for $250k to make this go away quickly and without having any further action being taken in this case," 

"My client wants his life back and for that to happen at this point we would be willing to accept a settlement. I have been speaking with Marty Singer about establishing the ground rules for arbitration/mediation in this case. We haven't agreed on anything yet, or which private judge will hear the case. I want it to be one judge, Marty Singer would like more than one judge. These are sticking points that we can work out if this case doesn't settle. I haven't discussed any settlement figures with Marty yet but I anticipate we will be having those discussions very soon.

So he just wants his life back eh? Well, that's very good of him. What's that you say? There's another reason?

"Look my client is a very tall man, weighs about 300 pounds and is also a personal trainer so a private judge could absolutely look at him and wonder how much in damages he really suffered. If this could settle quickly, well, obviously, that would be the best result for all parties involved,"

Terribly unfortunate, that. Imagine suddenly becoming 300 pounds in between filing the case and deciding to call it off. Still, at least Okorie's made a name for himself eh? 

The law. What a funny old game it is.