Kate Middleton's Christmas Plans with the Queen

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The big story this week is how Kate Middleton will be able to adjust to celebrating Christmas with her in-laws. Tradition holds that one can only spend the holiday with the royal family if they are in fact part of the family. So girlfriends, family friends, and chosen people do not apply.

Once she landed the deal she had to come to terms with the fact that she would never be able to celebrate the birth of Christ in the comfort of her parent's house. Going forward she will have to spend it with her in-laws, shacked up in the Queen's digs in Sandringham manor, her retreat in Norfolk, England. In addition to being far from her family and the rest of civilization she has to adhere to strict rules concerning dress and scheduled events. For example:

- She has to wear five outfits a day, which include formal meals, black-tie-cocktails, church services and gift exchanges.

- Christmas Eve will be spent sipping gin and tonics in the saloon, and then a meal of lamb. Christmas Day, “the royals rise to stockings, stuffed with small gifts and fruit, at the feet of their beds.” Then church. Then, at 1pm, lunch of a giant turkey. At 3pm, they watch the queen’s taped speech to the nation on TV, and later, board games! Except Monopoly, which has been banned, as it “gets too vicious.” (US Weekly)

Adds Robert Jobson, author of William and Kate: The Love Story: “It will be a difficult baptism in protocol laced with pitfalls…She’s first the first outsider since Camilla…so all eyes will be on her.”

All eyes will probably be on her because the rest of the royal family is bored talking to the same relatives year after year. They all want to know what it is like in the outside world. Poor William knows no different.

Again, another reason I could never have married William. How would I explain to the other royal family members around the Christmas Dinner table that the alcohol cabinet in our house was always locked over the holidays because a mishap would have sent Uncle Jimmy back to rehab? Or that in my family all eyes would be on step-father because he would spend the duration of the Christmas dinner passing gas or complaining about his bout with the gout while trying to pull his oxygen tank to and from the bathroom.

I am sure The Queen would be thrilled.