J. Lo is getting frustrated with us, people. There was a time when she commanded our attention. I mean, those photo ops she would set up with Ben Affleck? Particularly the ones where she was oiled up on a speedboat? Spectacular. The time she got arrested with Puff Daddy on weapons charges after a gun fight at a nightclub? Um, genius.
But things are different now. Jenny’s getting older. She’s over 40 now. She’s starting to worry about her sore hip joints and whether she should get a breast lift. She can’t just kick-ball-chain herself back into our hearts. We’ve moved onto Beyonce, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez. And those kids of hers are 4, so there is a whole new crop of celebrity kids who are much more interesting. Blue Ivy Carter and the Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon twins are more interesting and frankly bring more to the table. The acting roles have dried up. Katherine Heigl stole all of them. What else is left?
So now that she’s no longer on American Idol and we are no longer admiring her body bronzer and her highlights she’s got to come up with other plans. She’s taken her back up dancer boyfriend, the one who frequents tug-shops in New York City in his spare time, out for plenty of spins around town. Because somehow she thinks that having a younger boyfriend makes you appear younger. (Ask Demi Moore how that worked out for her). If she seems young then she will get cast in certain roles and will remain an object of desire. But when your boy toy wears low-slung denim Capri jeans, white wife-beater tank tops, sideways baseball hats, and diamond earrings it really diminishes the appeal. In fact it ends up looking like an inner-city mentor program for break-dancers.
But she presses on. Her recent attempts at keeping herself relevant?
Wearing a fake engagement ring to spark rumors.
Somehow letting your nipple fall out of your painted on costume at your concert.
She’s losing it, my friends. My next guess? A sex tape?
Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey