Gwyneth Paltrow Named 'World's Best Dressed Woman" by 'People' Magazine
You there. Yes, you in the jam-stained sweatshirt and holey legings. You look like the kind of person who has an opinion about fashion. Well, who do you, jammy jumpered, holey legginged person, think is the most bestest dressed woman in all the world? That's just this world, FYI, not other, as yet undiscovered worlds.
If you said Gwyneth Paltrow, then mate, you're an idiot. Luckily, you're not the only idiot in town, as Gwyneth has been awarded that particular accolade by People magazine.
Now, look, we don't want to sound bitter or anything because we never even get awards, or because when we were talking to the jam-stained hobo in the first paragraph, we were actually looking in the mirror, or because we smell funny, OK, but seriously? Gwyneth Paltrow?
Yes, she consistently steps out in clothes that flatter and suit her admittedly ace figure, and yes she dresses in expensive and designer-y togs, but this is all the work of a stylist, people! How can the award of World's Best Dressed Woman go to someone who simply wears what she is told to wear?
Her stylist, who we imagine will be beaten badly for divulging Gwynnie's style secrets, said this:
"She doesn’t do fringe. She has a uniform. It’s simple, not overdone."
A uniform?! A UNIFORM?! The World's Best Dressed Woman dresses in a manner best described as a uniform? Oh well done, People magazine. Well done.
Still, it could have been worse: Kate Middleton, whose wardrobe consists of nude court shoes, American tan tights and knee-length frocks from Issa, came in second. Seriously, world, we can do better!
Holy Moly fave Emma Stone was in the running, and we'd have been happy to see her crowned, because she doesn't dress the damn same at every event she goes to, and actually appears to have some semblance of a personal style that could never be described as a freaking uniform.
Other celebs we'd be happy to crown World's Best Dressed Woman are: Chloe Sevigny, Erin O'Connor, Chloe Grace Moretz, Tavi Gevinson, Michelle Obama...the list is endless, and Gwyneth Paltrow ain't on it.