I always say that if someone really cares about you they are just happy you are getting married. An invitation to your ceremony is a gift in itself. So really the fact that you are seated at a table wedged between Great Aunt Loretta and that drunk from your friend’s office, that the centerpieces are filled with carnations, or there wasn’t even an open bar really doesn’t matter.

That said…. we should discuss Natalie Portman’s wedding.

- Instead of having flowers flown in, the ceremony featured wildflowers indigenous to the Big Sur coast where the ceremony took place, and instead of “fish or steak” the menu was strictly vegan in keeping with the bride’s diet.

- Instead of traditional wedding cake, the couple opted for French macaroons.

- When things wrapped up around 2 a.m., the approximately 100 guests took home packets of wildflower seeds as party favors.

Source: People Magazine

Most people go to a wedding assuming they can grab a bite to eat, have a cocktail or two, and then wrap up the evening with a full-on dance party. They don’t, however, want to be lectured on sustainability or portion control. I don’t need a teachable moment, I need a crisp glass of champagne and a delicious canapé. Because in essence this is what she is telling her guests: Listen Fat Asses, as we celebrate our new union we’d like to remind you that the world is falling apart. We’re not going to indulge you with flavorful food. On this happy day we’d rather not let an animal be tortured just so you can have a delicious entrée. Instead we’d like you to eat this tree sap and twig pudding to honor Planet Earth. And before you get yourself all worked up hoping you will have a delicious piece of wedding cake with frosting we’d like to remind you how you struggle with your weight. Look at yourself. How’s that Body Mass Index going? Look at us. He’s a ballet dancer and I am an elf. A treat for us is a handful of grapes. Ever heard of moderation? One more thing… Maybe you would kindly stop using paper, recycle, and plant the seeds we graciously just gave you so Mother Nature can repair the destruction by the human race.  Thanks, N&B

Really? Hope you have a prenup.

-Kate Casey

Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey