Are you a woman who's wondering if your husband might be batting for the other team? Wonder no more: Christwire.org has published an article listing several tell-tale (and ridiculous) signs that indicate a man could be gay.
According to the article's author, Stephenson Billings, "feigning attention in church and prayer groups" is a definite indication that your man's going for other men. "Have you noticed a lack of interest in spiritual issues?" asks Billings.
Does Billings not realize there are plenty of churches and spiritual groups who embrace gay people, and vice versa? Atheism or agnosticism doesn't automatically translate to homosexuality. Yes, this "lack of interest" could indicate that a man's questioning his sexuality -- or it could have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with it.
If a man is "sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends," this is a sure sign, according to the article, that he's swinging to the other side of the sexual pendulum. Author Billings views sarcasm as a "feminine qualit[y]". So are women and drag queens the only people who are allowed to have razor-sharp senses of humor?
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That seems unfair. It also dumbs down straight men. It seems Billings is saying that a man can only hang onto his hetero status if he finds fart jokes funnier than the cartoons in the New Yorker.
The article lists 13 other signs that your hubby's interested in some man-on-man loving. Among the most comical: using facial moisturizers; working out at the gym but not being interested in sports; looking at his buttocks in the mirror; and using lubrication for sex. Travel is also a no-no, especially to hotbeds of sin like San Francisco. "Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?" Uh... has the author ever heard of business travel?
Is this article a joke? It seems too ludicrous to be serious. The Christian site, whose tagline is "Conservative values for an unsaved world," doesn't appear to be in the business of satire, however -- the site's founder, Jack Gould, is a youth pastor and motivational speaker at Langley Christian Church in Virginia. If it were a comedy piece, it'd be full of tired, stale, cliched jokes: as a serious article, it's just plain insulting to the gay community.