Celebrity Sex Tapes Almost Burned in Fire

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One thing we've learned today is that Steve Hirsch, head of porn firm Vivid Entertainment, has all the unedited masters of his celebrity porn tapes in a safe in his office. We found this out because last Saturday night there was a fire at his offices and he almost lost them all.

Some people might consider that destroying all Vivid's celebrity sex tapes probably wouldn't make any difference to the world as a whole, possibly even making it a slightly less gritty place to live. But those people can continue living happily in their ivory towers, surrounded by the smell of their own farts while they watch Only Connect and University Challenge. Everyone else can breathe a sigh of relief as even the sight of the words 'sex' and 'tape' force them to take a break from whatever work they were pretending to do.

Having said that, we're not sure why it really matters, given that the tapes are already all over the internet. Maybe it's the 'unedited' bit. Perhaps there's huge sections of the home made pornos that we haven't seen where the celebrity participants play chess and discuss Camus and Hirsch is just waiting for the right moment to release them. Or maybe they talk about conspiracies. More likely it's just a lot more footage of Tommy Lee and Ray J waving their penises around, BUT JUST IMAGINE.

Anyway, according to reports the safe in Hirsh's office was only singed (how exactly to you singe a safe?), and tapes from the likes of Kendra Wilkinson, Pam and Tommy Lee, Jimi Hendrix (?), Vince Neil, Tom Sizemore, and Chyna were all left undamaged.

Seriously, Jimi Hendrix?

BRB, researching.