It occurred to me mid-Golden Globes that Anne Hathaway is socially awkward. She seems nice, but why am I still overcome with the feeling of wanting to push her off a stage? She never knows when to dial things back. She’s over enthusiastic and spastic. She giggles like a four year old. She over uses her hands and arms when explaining simple things like taking a walk on a cold day or how she answers a phone call. She desperately wants you like her. But you just can’t because she’s awkward and needy and cloying.
Follow me here. Let’s walk through some general signs of someone who is socially awkward.
1. Feeling nervous in social settings – anxiety producing.
Despite being in show business for probably 15 years now at awards shows she still acts as if she’s been invited to a neighbor’s Bar Mitzvah. It’s not like she’s never been to an awards show, let alone one where she’s been nominated. Pull it together, weirdo. Laughing uncontrollably and running your shaking fingers over your face is a bit much. Peddle the brakes.
2. Not understanding social norms. Not knowing what is and is not appropriate in a social situation.
Hathaway at the Critics Choice Awards days ago:
“This is a bittersweet moment for me because I have this award, but you spelled my name wrong. It is with an “e.” It’s probably in bad taste for me to point that out here, but um… I’m sorry I don’t mean to be gauche.”
But you are. How about the other women squeezing their butt cheeks so they don’t cry in front of the you-just-lost camera? Have some respect.
3. Often having a different impact than intended.
Running onto stage when the entire film has been awarded and breathlessly thanking the agent you forgot in your own speech is an a-hole move, especially when it comes down to it you’re only in the flick for about 15 minutes. Look at Chastain. She can keep it together and she had a lead role. And then clutching onto your visibly scared co-star Amanda Seyfried and spooning her like her prison girlfriend is even worse. Tone it down, nut bag. It’s not just about you.
4. The lack of conversation flow.
She seems about as interesting as a cardboard box.
5. Frequently being avoided or ridiculed by others.
She deserves it when she says things like this:
Blerg. Thank you Tina for the word. Wow. (Feigning surprise after practicing this scene in front of her bathroom mirror for hours on Saturday).
This is happening…..Thank you for this lovely blunt object. (Huh?) That I will forever use as a weapon against self-doubt.. (As IF you doubt yourself)… For a girl who once was a Disney Princess I thank Sally Field who also started out as the Flying Nun… (Is that a dig?) …Tom Hooper (director) I will not damage your reputation as an aloof man who doesn’t cry and that you actually sat next to me and weeped after my awe inspiring performance. I won’t tell anyone that. (Desperate attempt to sound funny)…. And honey thank you for the best string of yesterdays I have ever had… (because that’s how a normal person talks to their husband).
6. The lack of meaningful connections with others.
Hathaway is the kind of girl who was a little too into drama club. The kind of person who lands the lead in the high school musical and yells at the rest of the cast because they are not working hard enough to protect the “dignity of the script”. The kind that treats opening night in the school auditorium for an audience filled with other people’s parents like a debut performance on Broadway. The kind that would be happier if she could have normal conversations like monologues on a darkened stage with one lone spotlight on her chalk white face. The loser that wishes life was one big musical.
She just bugs. She’s over eager. She’s shoves her fake happy down your throat. She uses terms like wispy and fantasy in every day conversations.
Can I get an amen?
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Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. Soon-to-be New mom again. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey