Women feel cheated when a man wants sex but he has done little or nothing for her during the day. If a man desires his wife to be interested in sex then he must love her “as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). This means that a man works to discover his wife’s needs, whether she wants him to provide a listening ear, help in the home or help with the children. Christ treasured people so much that He gave His life for them. His love was unconditional and not based off of what the church did for Him. A man is to love His wife in this same way.
A woman may feel that all a man wants is sex. Truthfully, this is often the case. A man is easily aroused at the sight of a woman’s form. When wives don’t give themselves regularly to their husbands, it leads to problems. A woman should make it a priority to be available for her husband sexually, even if it means that sex is for his pleasure only. Do not give yourself with a bad attitude, but with patience and love. Decide to enjoy these encounters. When a man feels unwanted in this area it can become difficult for him to stay committed to his marriage.
Below are a few keys for building a great sex life:
First of all, if a wife speaks harshly and degradingly to her husband, this can be offputting to him. If she is domineering or belittles him, this affects sexual performance. Men are often more tender and vulnerable sexually than women realize.
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Secondly, a great sex life is built over time. This means that it has to be practiced! Couples need to be intentional in practicing sex so that their sex life improves. Make sexual intimacy a priority. Setting aside time and creating opportunities for sex may seem ridiculous, but with two working adults and then children, often this needs to be the case.
Thirdly, stress can kill a couple’s sex life. What pressures is your partner facing that can be changed? Certain medications can also inhibit one’s prowess sexually. Do all you can to create lives that allow your sexual relationship to succeed. If stress continues, impotence is a problem or one or both partners is having trouble achieving orgasm, don’t be ashamed to seek help (medical, pastoral or counseling). The Bible presents a very real view of sex in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4:
3 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does
not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the
same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone
also to his wife.”
Again we see an area of our lives that is more about giving than getting! In a good marriage, each partner recognizes that the other has a claim upon them sexually and that their role is to provide pleasure rather than only seeking it for themselves.