Breastfeeding is Not a Necessity for New Moms
If there's one thing that's added to the enormous pressures mothers face today, it's breastfeeding. The prevailing wisdom is that breastfeeding is the be all, end all. What I really love are the mothers who have no qualms about returning to work and placing their children in substitute care -- but, Gosh darn it, they're gonna breastfeed!
Of course breastfeeding is ideal. Of course the milk is there for a reason. And for some women it's the most natural thing in the world. (Most of my friends breastfed.) But to place such an inordinate amount of value on it strikes me as rather odd. Why do consider abortion and day care a woman's right, while breastfeeding is the bona fide responsibility of any good mother? Seems to me our priorites are a bit out of whack.
If Mom wants to breastfeed, great. It's better for the baby, no question. But no baby is harmed by formula. We all grew up on formula, and we all survived. What I object to is not the emphasis on breastfeeding; it's the suggestion that mothers should have no choice in the matter. Few women today are comfortable telling nurses they don't want to breastfeed; you might as well say you'd like to kill your child. This is insane. When I think about the agony I went through in breastfeeding, the crying, the guilt -- and the ENORMOUS pleasure and relief my baby and I both felt the moment I used a bottle -- I could kick myself.
Don't do it to yourself, please. I don't care what those experts say, if you hate it, don't sweat it. Bonding can absolutely occur with a bottle. The first months at home are hell for so many reasons anyway; why make it worse with this pressure? Going through pregnancy, giving birth, and staying home is PLENTY of sacrifice in and of itself.
Breastfeeding is not the be all, end all. If you don't like it, grab that bottle and get on with life.
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Is formula-feeding safe? Click here to see our Opposing Views debate.
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This post was quite ignorant and upsetting, but that is nothing new. I guess I should stop being surprised when I read things like this.
If you are going to have a child, sacrifice is part of it. If you are not fortunate enough to be an at home mom, the LEAST you can do is provide breastmilk, if you are able, to ensure your child's health and well-being. Of course, some are unable, and I am thankful that we have formula in those circumstances, but to not even try, is quite selfish. Of course, this is coming from a mom who fed at the breast for 7 months and then pumped full-time until my son was 21 months old, so I know a little about sacrifice being attached to a commercial pump several times a day for over a year just to provide the nourishment he needed to thrive.
Please do not put in the minds of mother's that formula is not harmful. Might I ask, do you eat healthy? Do you try to avoid processed foods, and non-organic foods? Read the formula label... I bet there are ingredients on that label that even you desire to avoid, entirely. Formula is necessary at times, but it surely is NOT acceptable to say that "breastmilk is not a necessary for new moms". It absolutely is if one is able to provide it.
In these days we can choose to be a mom or not.Women who choose to be a mom, make a commitment to be the best mom they can. Choosing ways and products to feed the child so he will grow up to his best possibilities is one of the commitments that belong to that (as are choices to keep the child safe, feel welcome and loved, and more). In that context, choosing to breastfeed is a necessity, perhaps not for mom, but for her child.
What's in it for mom, then? Women who have lactated are overall healthier then women who never have. Lactation keeps risks for certain forms of cancer and osteoporosis low. Not for nothing breastcancer used to be known as a ''nun's disease''.
Women who like to please themselves should seriously consider to lactate for an extended period of time during their reproductive years as a regular health measure, like working out and keeping a healthy diet. And if considering lactating, why not while having a child. That's much easier to accomplish then doing it out of the blue.
Breastfeeding may not be a necessity for new moms, but lactating surely is for a woman's health!
I am sorry that breastfeeding didn't work out for Ms. Venker and her baby. Given the bias against breastfeeding in our culture, which plasters Victoria's Secret models on billboards while shaming mothers for nursing in public, given the lack of government and workplace support for new mothers, and given the rampant misinformation throughout the medical profession on the risks of formula feeding and how to help mothers succeed at nursing, it's not surprising when breastfeeding relationships fail.
The statement that no baby has ever been harmed by formula, though, is flat out wrong. Many are familiar with the shocking statistics in developing countries, where hundreds of thousands of babies have died because they were put on formula rather than nursed, thanks to the unethical marketing practices of companies like Nestle.
But most Americans are unaware that upwards of 700 babies die, in the US, every year, because they were not nursed and were put on formula instead. See http://tinyurl.com/8zgbc (research paper by Chen and Rogan published in 2004 in Pediatrics) . Post-neonatal infant mortality rates are reduced 21% by breastfeeding.
Babies also suffer higher rates of everything from ear infections to diabetes to bacterial meningitis to leukemia when they are not breastfed. Read the 2005 statement from the AAP for a laundry list of the increased risks for infectious and chronic diseases for formula fed babies.
Yes, formula serves a necessary function for when breastfeeding doesn't work out. And yes, mothers shouldn't be made to feel guilty when breastfeeding doesn't work out.
However, it is entirely inappropriate to try to hide the truth from women about the importance of breastfeeding and the risks of formula feeding. Most children will be OK if they are not breastfed....but many will not, and some will pay the ultimate price. Women deserve to be informed of those risks before they decide that breastfeeding is not for them, and society needs to be educated on the true costs of formula feeding so that more baby-, mother-, breastfeeding-, and family-friendly policies and support structures can be developed.
How you feel is how you feel. I wouldn't have it any other way than to breastfeed my son. There is absolutely no reason to give him something made in a lab when I have "liquid gold" in my top. However if you're going to say "no child" has ever been hurt by formula, you need to do some more research. Formula does hurt children. It is made from cow's milk (which is meant for baby cows and doesn't need to be ingested by a human child til they are AT LEAST a year old) and fake nutrients. Formula feed children have a tendency (not every one of them) to be sick more often and have a harder time getting over the sickness. If a formula feed child is throwing up, they're given pedialite. If my child is throwing up, I NURSE HIM. Much easier and a whole lot cheaper.
If a woman tries to breastfeed and for MEDICAL reasons doesn't succeed, then you know what, she tried. If a woman decides not to even try then she's the one who has to live with it. No one else. And if she feels bad for telling the nurses in the hospital that she doesn't want to breastfeed, then maybe just maybe she has some guilt in her but it isn't because breastfeeding women are looking down on her. It has to do with her personal feeling. Within herself.
If your car was designed to run on unleaded gasoline, but you COULD use diesel, which was maybe easier to pump or gave you better gas mileage, should you? If you didn't have unleaded, sure.
Clearly motherhood is full of choices. We choose what to feed our babies, whether we are in a position to stay at home, what school to select, and whether the pediatrician shares our values. Breastfeeding is a choice. I don't believe that making it a "neutral" choice (with both options ALWAYS equal) is in the best interests of babies.
Ms. Venker's own article says:
"Of course breastfeeding is ideal. Of course the milk is there for a reason. And for some women it's the most natural thing in the world. (Most of my friends breastfed.) But to place such an inordinate amount of value on it strikes me as rather odd."
Why does it not make sense to place an "inordinate value" on something that has been clearly demonstrated to be ideal? That should not diminish women in a situation who cannot breastfeed. And women who choose not to breastfeed because "it hurts" or "they have made enough sacrifices for the child, thank you very much" should have understood the implications of their choice. If the fact that they are "encouraged" to breastfeed causes them "guilt" then that is their unresolved issue. A society that promotes what is "best" or "ideal" is not a society out of whack.
Ms. Venker is right. Breastfeed often hurts at first. It may be very inconvenient at first (though in most cases these issues resolve...I find breastfeeding to be a "lazy way out" quite frankly and love it-no muss, no fuss!). Encouraging moms to persevere in spite of these trials is not a sign that the society is ganging up on us, it's a much-needed support system. All too often in today's society, we are encouraged to give up on things that are difficult to master. Anyone can quit. But don't stop encouraging the people who are trying in order to appease the quitters.
I agree, formula is a great solution for moms who can't or choose not to breastfeed (and I support a woman's right to choose how she feeds her baby), but I don't agree that birth support staff and society should weaken the message that breast is best to appease the consciences of a few.