Yeah, It "Works."
The Philosophy of Nonviolent Parenting is clear: we most definitely believe that children should live free of physical violence. The most popular form of physical violence against children is spanking. By accurately naming spanking as violence, we are challenging a largely unquestioned practice of child rearing.
Some parents in our parenting classes say that they were spanked as children and turned out “just fine!” Sitting beside them may be a parent who says exactly the opposite: “I was spanked and I have never recovered.” We respect and accept each person’s perspective of their own childhood experience.
One thing that parents sometimes say is that spanking “works.” This is very often true. If you hit a child, he will often stop the behavior you want him to stop. Pain and fear are effective tools for controlling children’s behavior. However, the research is clear: Spanking is harmful to a child’s developing personality, to his developing brain, to the long-term relationship between the parent and child, and to the overall health of society.
Spanking also "works" to create distance in our relationships with our children, to cause confusion, and to send messages like: "the people we love can hurt us," "violence is a good way to solve problems," "bigger people get to control smaller people," and "the main thing I'm supposed to be in life is compliant."
Anthropologist Ashley Montague says that "The child, especially... will become the kind of human that he or she has experienced." Does teaching our children that adults can hit children at will to "teach them a lesson" really model for them a mature and thoughtful method of social interaction?
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If the parents said “I was spanked and I have never recovered," then why are they in a parenting class. If they never "recovered" then shouldn't they know how to discipline their children effectively and how not to, instead of going to a class to learn how to parent a child?
I agree. If you show a child that the only way you can "control" them is by spanking then you've lost...however, if you have two children and one is clearly being aggressive physically with them or you, in my experience it's not "talking time". I have twins, one was pushing the other towrd the staris, I physically intervened.
If a child will not go to their room and continues to grab at you to get what they want, what is an alternative to pushing them away or toward their room? If your other child is in danger, then what?
Other than one quite traumatic experience as a child, I was spared from spanking, and am very grateful that there are groups that oppose this sort of abuse.