There are Many Other Ways to Help a Child Sleep
The majority of parents who resort to letting their babies and young children cry-it-out do so because they believe that it is the only way they will get their babies to sleep through the night.
It’s a disturbing myth that you have two choices when it com es to changing your child’s sleep problems: the slow, gentle method, or the quick-fix solution of putting a child to bed and letting him cry to sleep. The truth is that in some cases, either method can bring quick results. However, in most cases, both approaches – cry or no-cry – take weeks or even months of time before a child is going to sleep easily and sleeping all night. This is because sleep maturity happens slowly and is on a unique schedule for every child. Children do not sleep like adults sleep. It takes growth and time for children to fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night long.
There are no good reasons for parents to live as sleep-deprived martyrs or to let a child suffer the consequences of poor sleep. However, there are many ways to get your child to sleep without resorting to all-night cry-a-thons.
No one knows for certain how crying to sleep affects a child’s life, as we cannot raise a child twice. But since there are many other methods to help a child sleep better why should we risk using crying as the solution?
In summary, I don't believe children should be left alone to cry themselves to sleep. Or even left to cry as someone pops in every ten minutes to murmur com forting words, without reaching out to touch him. But I also know that you can — gently and lovingly — help your child to sleep peacefully all night long. There are a wide variety of effective approaches to helping a child sleep better. And if you can avoid making your child cry endlessly to achieve better sleep, then why wouldn’t you?
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My daughter is 14 months old and has never been a great sleeper. I found "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" when she was about 7 months old and still waking up 2-3 times during the night (and I work full time). I was exhausted, frustrated, and feeling the pressures of everyone telling me CIO was a simple solution to her sleep problems. I am glad I never listened, that I went with my instincts to soothe her. She now sleeps a lot better, even with cutting her molars she sleeps 10-11 hours with one interruption (two if it's a really painful night). I have found that there are gentle ways to soothe her back to sleep; these ways do not add stress to her life. In fact, because of these methods, I think she had a much easier time with weaning. Rocking her back to sleep is one of the special cherished moments I have with her on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis. All too soon she will grow into a child and then a young woman, and I will look back with joy that I had the experience of snuggling with her when she was a baby learning to sleep through the night. I will never regret my choice. I believe my daughter is better for it; she is a genuinely happy child. And she knows that when she is hurting or scared or trying to communicate with me, that I won't ignore her.
I really dislike this talk of "having a right" to a night's sleep. Sure, everyone should be allowed to sleep and sleep well, but at the cost of teaching your child that you won't respond to his/her cries, I think that discussion of what you have a right to is misguided. Doesn't your child have the right to be comforted when crying? Your child isn't out to get you or "steal" sleep from you. Children don't sleep like adults. They need to learn, and CIO seems like tough love at an age too young for them to get any message other than you won't respond when they are trying to communicate in the only way they know how. There's a pretty big difference between "time out" when a child is 2 or 3 and letting a baby cry in a crib. We're talking about communication at it's most basic level, and at a time where it may have real profound effects upon the brain. I just don't want to mess with that; it's not worth the potential risk.
That is to know exactly what sleep is why they wake up so many times and what not to do to develop sleep associations. Rather than aiming at crying or not cryin teach parents how to help babies because not all parents do CIO because they dont have alternatives or have not tried anything else. You can not expect them to not cry ever or just go to sleep and do terrefic without some tears involved but once your child starts to constantly wake up at night, you know the dreamy sleepy newborn is gone and then you need to teach self soothing not giving them other props to hang on to just to not let them cry. That only makes it worst. If they want a blankie or a teddy fine, if they need a paci fine (exp if they can replace it themselves) but either way they need to learn the priceless art of staying asleep.
Yes no one knows how crying effects a baby so why is the world so ready to call CIO damaging. If crying was so bad why putting a child in time out and in a corner when they are crying and throwing a fit loud enough to wake dead people is okay and when that crying is in a crib its bad. The change of scenery makes it a scenario of abandonment, how ironic is that.
My baby will probably suffer more from over tiredness and disruptive sleep than crying for a few minutes or may be 20-40 min before finally sleeping.
Babies and todds are intelligent beings, you have to be really abusive and negligent with them to break their trust and confidence in you and the whole world and for them to feel you dont love them.
When I take care of my child every waking hour, i feed them, i keep them clean, i play with them, i make sure they are taken care of, I sing dance, play and read with them, we have hugs and kisses and love and affection i really dont agree with the guilt pushing notion of letting them cry for sleep will make them distrust me and emotionally damage them for the rest of their lives.
Bed time is not the only time i will listen to them cry and that certainly is not the only time i will let them cry alone. When We are done reading bathing eating and cuddling its time for bed, they will cry b/c thats resistance to change, but eventually they will know the rules and schedules and when its wake up time we will have fun and play and laugh around.
If a baby can think "i have been abandoned" Or thoughts like "deafening screams" "tiny body tired of crying and finally sleeps" I wonder why are they not capabale of thinking " mommy really loves me when i am awake and that i am really loved"
because a baby that can have so many sad thought on just crying before sleeping sure should be able to have as many loving thoughts when its not time to be asleep and mom and dad are with him/her.
Just because I let them cry, to non cry that seems unloving doesnt mean my child is emotionally damaged and doesnt trust me or the world. Because I see it day in and day out how my children know they are safe with me and that they are loved by me, i dont have to co-sleep or run to them every time they wake up in middle of night to show them my love. There is as much love involved in CIO as in no crying, may be even more because CIO is not the easy way out but a necessary evil when for parents like me everything else has failed. I did it for my kids because i love them and because i wanted to be around for them and not be consumed by sleep deprivation and PPD.
CIO is not a lazy parent's way out but in majority of cases the only way out for tired, pushed and judged parents to keep their sanity when they are finally tired of all the social pressure and judgment of parents from attachment side and no cry experts. When they finally decided i have to learn sleep and work with my child and stop listening to anyone else who is not in my shoes.
So great if some one can have a family bed, for the rest of their lives or dont mind breastfeeding all night b/c may be they can function without sleep, concentration or may be thats what they think a parent should be sleep deprived and frazzled but thats not me. I dont think being a parent takes my right to have a rested night or calm days away. I need to function for my family and being irritated and angry and tense doesnt do it for me. I co-sleep with my kids first one 8 months this one is still co-sleeping but onec I night wean at night he will be in his crib all night, he already is for the first part of night. is there crying...sure there is but nothing him and me cant handle.