Spanking Should Be Rare, But It Isn't Abuse
I am not a huge proponent of spanking, but it can be effective and unavoidable -- particularly with a “difficult” child. There are children who come in to this world with a mind of their own – I know, because I was one of them – and it’s important they learn early on that they are not (yet) the boss. Unfortunately, this sometimes includes a swat on the behind. However, spanking should be an infrequent occurrence – not a regular form of discipline. In fact the majority of parents in America understand this, since 63% said they’ve “resorted to spanking their kids.”
Resorting to something and doing it often and inappropriately (in anger, for example) isn’t the same thing. An occasional swat on the behind bears no resemblance to physical abuse; to suggest otherwise is to dismiss the pain and suffering of abused children everywhere.
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So true. I find that some who dont spank end up losing control with their child anyway because a situation has gotten out of control. A spank can occur without a parent losing control in a calm and collected way.
Some children need little discipline while others do. And trying to explain right or wrong to a child cannot be done until they hit a certain maturity. Therefore a spank is often less harmful for them. Regarding spanking there are degrees of misbehavior and there are degrees of punishment . Spanking is only one form of discipline.
A great article.
Absolutely not - and not ever! If an adult is not behaving the way you would like them to, do you hit her/him? Parents resort to spanking occassionally because they loose their cool - and that is not a good reson to hit a child . Hitting a child teaches them that hitting is okay - it must be because mommy hit me. Parents need skills and violence is not a skill.
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children . There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on " spanking ".
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, this practice is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
What exactly separates spanking from physical abuse? You made a claim, with nothing to back it up. Spanking is using physical and painful force in order to get your way. Physical abuse is violent--anything that causes physical pain. Whether you are the parent or not does not excuse it nor does it change what it is. If you are advocating child abuse, be honest about it and make your case.
Furthermore, what good does spanking do in the longterm but give the parent some feeling of vengeance? Violence has been the standard method of "disciplining" children for all of human history, and what good has it done? It only serves to show children that violence is a method of getting what you want and teaches them no moral guidelines, only fear.
I read your comments, Suzanne, and I am saddened by your thoughts that spanking is ok. It is never ok to hit a child, period. One swat? Let me ask you how many times that is necessary to "spank" a child? What I have found is that too often, spankings escalate. 1 swat to a 3 year old, becomes 2-3 swats to a 5 year old. It then escalates to using an instrument on a 7-10 year old like a wooden board (weighing a few pounds) or a belt (most common) a wooden spoon against bare legs. Then some parents escalate that to a 12-14 year old teen by hitting more times and harder. I've seen this personally in my research. I think there is NOTHING positive about hitting a defenseless child. I agree, it is not child abuse with one swat, but if you cannnot learn better, more positive and non physical consequences raising your children, you have no business being a parent. Sorry,Suzanne, but shame on you!
I agree with you that spanking should be a rare event. I also think that part of the problem lies in the fact that todays parents are less well equipped to deal with problems of child raising than previous generations. The sources they tend to turn to (TV, Internet, Print Media) tend to give conflicting and confusing advice.
When I watch my 3 year old nephew I am loathe to spank him because I know that my own mother and sister use it far too often. He just doesn't respond to it. Me personally I prefer to use revoking of privileges (changing the TV from his show or taking his toys away). My sister once used the old fashioned soap in the mouth to correct him from swearing which in a way didnt sit well with me but on the up side it was only needed to be used once, now if something is serious enough all I have to do is tell him I'm going to get the soap to get him to stop (never actually have to follow through).
Hi, Citizen. Problam with soap in the mouth is the health issue. I remember a doctor once commented that this is VERY risky to child's health. As a teen, I watched a parent (neighbor friend of mine) do that with his 7 year old, the boy threw up all over, and was sick for days. Sorry, maybe it worked the one time, but it is far too much of a risk to do. Thanks.
Like I said I was not too happy to hear it had been done...
Like all things its about how much you give. The small tiny dab on the pinky or maybe just the residue from washing your hands is more than enough to do what needs to be done and that is leave a 'yucky' taste in the mouth (which naturally they will spit out). If you try to stuff a bar of soap in their mouth then yeah you'll get a result similar to what you witnessed.
The whole 'bar of soap' bit is often witnessed in popular culture media. Like that Christmas movie where the kid wants a BB Gun and possibly partly from what their parents did to themselves growing up.
Like I said, its all about the individual kid. Maybe the kid had some sort of allergy to some additive in the soap used. Just because one doctor said something also does not mean all doctors would necessarily agree and if they do agree if they do such for the same reasons (IE. If a doctor said it was perfectly fine and what happened to the parent you seen happening they'd probably end up getting sued even if thats like 1 in 1000+ rarity). I dont really support it but I can see why a parent may utilize it on rare occasion.
On a pinkie? Ok, I'd really like to know when you have ever heard of or witnessed some parent just putting a "little dab" on a pinkie. Sorry, but as a parent, and as a counselor to many abused children, using soap is just not a good idea. Forcing a child to take in something like that is the same as force feeding. Might does not make right. Communication without hitting and utilizing other methods of discipline that are non physical do work. You need to be consistent about it, you can't threaten and not do it. But it works! Soaping is a bad idea period, sorry, but doing something like that "once in awhile" is just not worth the rist. Your comment, too, "just because one doctor said something also does not mean all doctors would." I challenge you again on that. Find me ANY doctor that thinks "soaping" is a good idea or healthy for a child. Sorry, but you missed the point. By the way, if you "don't really support it" then stick to your guns! Don't back off and just throw something like that out there, stand tall and say I DON'T SUPPORT IT.
You're right, while I may not agree with the no physical punishment in its entirety. I will stick to my guns on the soap issue.
Besides physical punishment is best used when the alternative would be worse like spanking a child who was going to try to touch a burning hot stove not as something you do because the kid isnt listening.
So you think that hitting a 3 year old who is about to touch a burning stove is wise because you THINK the child is not listening? And how do you know that? How do you know that he is not listening, perhaps it's the way you communicate to him. Little ones can be, with consistency, distracted and directed elsewhere. Most parents do that rather than smack their little ones. That is not going to teach them anything, except associate pain with something they think you are displeased with. I can GUARANTEE that when you hit, the child will cry, and likely do it again. I've seen it time and time again, and have seen it in action with other parents and little ones. Simply put, hitting teaches NOTHING positive. Sorry, but you are very sadly mistaken to think hitting children will do ANYTHING to teach a child something positive.
I am failry sure that those Americans who admit to spanking their kids here and there have done so when they were just too angry to think straight.
How does one come to spank when calm and collected? What purpose does it serve? A "difficult" child (not really a helpful label wouldn't you agree?) like any child needs limits and consistency and structure (maybe more than others) like any other child. The only difficult thing about "difficult" children is that it requires better and more pareting skills.
Ima
Of all my arguments, I knew the spanking one would get people riled up -- for nothing, really. My point was not that spanking is preferable or okay as a regular form of discipline; it was simply to point out that a swat on the behind is not the same as abuse. There are many more constructive ways to discipline a child than spanking, and I list some of them in my last argument.
The term "difficult" is precisely what some children are. I was one myself, which served me well in understanding my own "difficult" child -- who is all the more loveable because of his strength. Yes, handling difficult children does require better and more parenting skills. And if the boundaries are clear, and your love and respect for him obvious, he will curtail his natural tendancy to be in charge.