Pornography Harms Marriages
From research and anecdotal evidence, it is
clear viewing pornography changes the way people think about relationships,
marriage and sexuality. Pornography distributes a false view of intimacy and
encourages men to use women as sex objects.
Pornography is often viewed as a “victimless crime,” but unfortunately
it is not. It brings a second, third, tenth and eventually hundredth partner
into the sexual relationship within marriage.
Porn users acknowledge that when they engage in sexual relations with
their spouses, they are not thinking about their spouse but rather the latest
playmate they saw in pornographic materials.
Rather than enhancing sexual relationships within marriage, pornography
destroys marriages by demeaning the value of marriage and its long-term
commitment.
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My husband and i watch it together about once a week, we act it out. He never mistreats me. i have access to money and sunshine. Both of us waited until marriage to have sex. We chose to save ourselves for marriage. We were quite limited in our experiences until we got our first "spicy movie". It opened up a whole new world of positions and things to try, we never knew of. Our life in the bedroom and out had florished and thrived, we moved to a new level of trust and communication in the bedroom that travelled out of the bedroom too.
I can say porn helped us be better spouses to each other, we weren't in any danger of splitting up or anything, but this is way better, then it was 20 years ago...
Once you have seen one porn though, haven't you gotten all the ideas you need from it? I mean, seriously. Or why didn't you just go out and buy the karma sutra? That lists ALL of the positions you can try and no women are being sexually exploited to make it.
And I have a question for you - does it bother you to watch porn with your husband with young girls in them? One of the problems I have with porn (and I have many) is that most of the women featured in porn are like barely legal looking. I think that as a man grows older - it's sort of disgusting to think that a 50 yr old man is getting off viewing 19 yr olds having sex. Doesn't it make you feel insecure about aging?
See, this - THIS is how pornography should be used. I think it's only harmful if it draws your attention and desire away from your spouse to the person on the tv screen. All too often, though, that's exactly what it does . Too many people use it as a tool for sexual gratification instead of a bonding experience between their lover. I personally think of porn as a volatile substance - like alcohol. If you use it to escape your problems it does much more harm than good. But I don't really believe husband and wife viewing pornography together and acting it out is detrimental to marriage or love because like you said - it just keeps things spicy.
I always think about how gross it is that 50 yr old couples are viewing porn with 20 yr olds having sex (and with the way porn industries always violate laws - you could be viewing 13 yr olds)... The other thing is - so many people are VERY quick to protect their porn use but 99% of the people who view porn wouldn't want their children working in porn when they grow up.
Either way - I think that porn promotes a distorted and very narrow view of human sexuality (I'm mostly talking about the mainstream stuff, I don't really know much about the alternative stuff but from what I've heard, it's really no different).
I am not a proponent of pornography (see which "side" I'm on). My husband, at a very young age, became addicted to porn for awhile and he hates it more than I do. I would never, ever, knowingly bring pornography into my house for that reason alone.
One of the big reasons I hate porn is because I'm sort of a feminazi, and I think that the porn industry is INCREDIBLY guilty for perpetuating sexism. People who think that attitudes maintained while viewing porn don't seep out into the rest of our culture aren't paying attention. For instance, I've wondered now for a long time why a man + woman = real love, and a man + man = real love, but a woman + woman = fantasy? It's like lesbian sex isn't REAL sex because there's not a penis involved. That is a terribly sexist view, and anyone could legitimately point the finger at the porn industry for that little wonderment.
You will also find the majority of men agree that it's ok. I'm thankful to be surrounded by some wonderful guys who are gentlemen. Tremendous difference between the two.
Pornography harms children. It degrades women. A woman that works in that industry is obviously not going to agree. There is no proper word to explain the filth. A marriage that cannot function without having pornography involved is not a marriage. If i'm not good enough for a man I suppose he could go fly a kite.
I find it really irritating that so many people are quick to defend porn with the ole, "She chose to do it, it's not exploitation." argument and then they go on to quote women within the industy saying that it is liberating. The thing is - who in any type of business, is going to attack their own way of life? Not to mention - women in the industry are trained to pull out that line whenever someone questions them.
But then... you start reading/watching all of these testimonies from women who left porn and they have a completely different view of it... It reminds me of how many alcoholics will brag about how much they can drink or try to make drinking seem like the best thing in the world but they only do it to cover up the reality. Just like women are told to talk about how empowering porn is to cover up the reality.
The other thing to mention is that just because someone choses to porn, doesn't mean they aren't being exploited. Just because someone ENJOYS being exploited, doesn't mean it has no affect on them or that it isn't harming them.
I find it funny that the person chosen to DEFEND it in the first place just so happens to make their living off of it. :D
The question above is "Does pornography harm America". It would seem many wish to make the case that pornography harms marriages. I would speak from personal experience that differences on the topic of religion also harm marriages. Ought we conclude that religion harms America? Also from experience, I can state as fact that differences of opinion on the raising of a child can also harm a marriage. Ought we conclude that the raising of children harms American? Historically, the right of women to vote caused the end of many marriages as did the move of many women to the workplace. Do these things also "harm America"? Many certainly made that claim and many still do. Nevertheless, on the whole, American culture has benefited from these changes which caused demonstrable harm to some marriages. Should we not have allowed such changes? Granting freedom to the slaves caused, no doubt, the end of entire families, let alone marriages. Ought we conclude that freeing the slaves harmed America? Did it not also benefit the nation greatly?
Marriages are harmed by any number of issues related primarily to the individuals who are married. If we are to claim that each of these issues ending marriages is also harming America, where is the need to control individual lives to end? It is the individuals in a specific marriage who determine and create its value - not society primarily - and it is they who initiate and dissolve it. As it happens, I know of many marriages happily held together because of the spiritual release afforded by the creation or use of pornography by their members. Yes, I use the word "spiritual" quite deliberately because one's spirit includes one's sexual being because, after all, one's spirit is merely the totality of what and who one is at any particular moment within one's own lifetime. If one values sexuality but that sexuality is repressed involuntarily, one's spirit suffers.
Neither marriage nor "nation" are institutions. They are behaviors exhibited by individuals. Their value is created and determined by individuals. Their values are lost by individuals and for individual reasons. Marriage and nation belong to those individuals who value them and create them ... and to no one else.
If an individual or individuals value pornography, it has little or nothing to do with individuals who do not. It certainly has nothing to do with some ephemeral "marriage" or "nation" beyond the ways they themselves define them.
If you yourself fear indulgence in pornography will harm your marriage, I would suggest you refrain from pornography. If you have no such fear, the fears of others are essentially irrelevant.
Naumadd said: If you yourself fear indulgence in pornography will harm your marriage, I would suggest you refrain from pornography.
I do not share your view, but I do agree with what you said in the above statement. I do not fear it myself, I just do not see that there is any need in it.
From personal experience dealing with Marriages, I would have to say that yes it does. It harms the very fiber of the Marriage.
I find this funny, since the whole "porn makes men see women as sex toys" argument is actually sexist (TOWARDS MEN). I'm a guy, and I still want to fall in love with a woman I connect with. Men who treat women like crap don't need porn to enforce that idea.
Also, for hundreds of years, women were forced to stay at home, and in many cases, weren't even allowed to be in church. Women have been mistreated and oppressed for centuries (and in the various countries in the middle east, they still are).
I think many women also think of women and themselves strictly as sex objects. Women in my life who regularly view porn spend more time focusing on their breasts... (my sister for example, watches porn with her husband and she's constantly talking about her breasts, like they are the very essence of her being). Another woman I know who is into porn made a comment once to my mother like, "Women are nothing without breasts."
I think porn affects women the same way it affects men in seeing women as sex objects except it's even scarier because not only do they limit the worth of other women but also of themselves.
My dad was a porn addict and while he was using porn - he was very VERY mean to me. A few times he was physically abusive (not sexually) and I think that since he stopped viewing porn, he's better. Not perfect but better.
To say that porn has no affect on how men see women, is like saying that advertisements and media has no affect on people. We ARE visual creatures and visual stimulus affects our brains - whether you like to admit it or not.
If ads can make women bulemic or anorexic by making her feel worthless in terms of her body shape - then I think it's safe that porn can have similar affects. For myself - I can say that porn has made me feel horribly as a sexual being... I don't want to do the shit women do in porn and I don't think it looks like fun - therefor, if I'm with a guy viewing porn and he gets all turned on by that - I feel worthless because I can't perform up to those standards (nor would I reduce myself to).
I've also met many MANY men who felt that their penis size was too small and the only way I can think that they would get this idea is from viewing porn.
Pornography harms only those immature enough in their own sexuality to cope with the sexuality of others. As I've said before, pornography isn't the real issue. Like anything else, one can view the sex acts of others with a mature point of view or with one that is immature and imposing on individual rights and liberties.
All in all, you have the right to your immaturity, however, you have no right and never will attain the right to impose your immaturity on others. Such immaturity can be exhibited in pornographic or anti-pornographic ways, however, it is the immaturity at issue - NOT pornography specifically.
my dad was 50 when his porn addiction got out of hand...
Who decides what a mature sexuality is and what isn't? Personally - I think anyone who is quick to ignore the problems with pornography to be immature sexually. Or maybe just immature and unopen to the truth overall.
Porn does not exhibit real sexuality - it's an ACT for cryin' out loud. All it does is promote this stupid, generic sexuality that has been done over and over and over again that it can hardly be considered liberating or real.
A mature preson realizes that porn has nothing to do with TRUE sexuality and that it probably isn't even the true desire of sexuality for the individuals performing it. For example - On tyra banks, they did a show with a porn star and she was going on and on about how she doesn't do the things she does in porn with her boyfriend....
wake up.
Question? How is it that ones views of Pornography being wrong is immature? I personlly believe that it is not healthy for men, women, or children to view porn. That does not make me Immature, insecure with sex, etc. That just simply means that I do not agree with it. Do I protest its existance? No. People are going to do what ever they are going to do inspite of what any one else says.
The immaturity lies in making a blanket statement regarding all pornography for all people. It can clearly be shown that many have a healthy relationship toward pornography whereas there are many who do not. The issue is not pornography, but rather one's healthy or unhealthy relationship with it. I do not quibble over personal preference. If you choose not to indulge in pornography, that, of course, is your liberty. Nevertheless, those who do indulge in pornography in healthy ways are not to be condemned for their personal preferences simply because you've chosen differently. If you choose to condemn all pornography and all people who indulge in it, you do so out of immaturity. If you refuse pornography in only your personal life, that, of course, is a healthy approach.
If one cannot relate to pornography in a healthy manner, either in one's own life or in the lives of others, immaturity and, quite possibly, mental dysfunction is at fault.
I do condemn people who view porn because they are creating a market for women to be abused sexually over and over again. It exploits women who were sexually abused as children - whom only go into the business because they feel like their entire worth is based solely on their sexuality. People who support that industry without question or hesitation and simply ignore these truths are not people to be respected, IN MY OPINION.
Women who do porn deal with all kinds of physical problems - even if they never had STDs - prolapsed uterus anyone?!?
If you care about human beings at all and mostly - if you care about women, than you would admit that supporting most of these productions is VERY irresponsible as a compassionate human being.
Of course - if your selfish desire to wank off to porn is more important than the suffering of young women - that's your business. But I'm certainly not going to turn my back on it and be a bellyrubber about it. People judge me ALL THE TIME for not liking porn - saying I hate sex, saying I'm a prude, making all kinds of remarks about how I don't like porn because I'm insecure and blah blah blah but you know what, maybe they are right about one thing - I'm insecure with the idea of flicking my bean to some video that may or may not have a child being raped in it.
Naumadd said: If one cannot relate to pornography in a healthy manner, either in one's own life or in the lives of others, immaturity and, quite possibly, mental dysfunction is at fault.
This is an interesting statement, but I would have to say that from a Physcological Standpoint, I would not agree. In my almost 16 years of higher education and subsequent 14 years of dealing with people and their problems, I would not say that what one perceives as an addiction would be immaturity. Whether it be Pornography or any thing else that can be perceived as addictive.
Let me clarify one thing: I do not condemn any one for their choosing to partake of Porn. However, I do not believe it to be healthy in any aspect. But what you, for example, choose to do with it, is your choice. As with many other of these debates, each is open to their own opinion of it without being called immature, short sighted, mentally disfuntional, etc. I do not believe that a person who has an addiction problem of any sort can be considered mentally disfunctional.
Nevertheless, a mind addicted to one habit or another cannot be termed entirely balanced and healthy, can it? Addiction isn't an indication of a mature mind, although I would agree addiction does indicate a mind is thoroughly immature and I did not deliberately insinuate such. Addiction is an immaturity but neither addiction nor episodic or consistent immaturity are total condemnation.
In any event, you say you do not believe pornography to be healthy in any aspect. If your point of view derives only from encounters with those whose relationship with porn has been unhealthy, I can understand your conclusions. I'm quite aware there are individuals incapable of relating to pornography and sexuality in general in healthy ways, however, I'm also keenly aware there are many more whose relationship with pornography, their own sexuality, and the sexuality of others is quite healthy. As I've said before, the issue is not primarily pornography because one's relationship with any particular issue or type of behavior can be healthy or unhealthy - religion was pointed out as another example where healthy relationship is at issue.
Let me repeat, I do not see addiction nor immaturity as total condemnation of anyone. I happen to feel great compassion toward anyone in these states and would see that they receive professional help. Nevertheless, addiction and immaturity are at issue here and pornography is only the focus of these behaviors. I do not see it as the cause.
Addictions form usually because someone is trying to escape something and they don't know how. For example - Micheal J Fox became an alcoholic when he found out he had parkinson's disease. Would you say he is immature or that he felt overwhelmed and didn't know how to deal with it?
Just like women in porn use drugs to escape their reality - many people will turn to porn.
Addiction to any thing is generally a indication (or symptom) of something else. It is never the cause.
I base my premises on the experiences I have had dealing with people. I myself do not partake in Porn, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. as a result. It is by my choice. I am aware that many find joy in Porn. I am also aware that it can be used as a help to those who have disfuctional sex relationships (a claim I do not personally hold to). I personally don't see the need in it, however if others do, so be it. I just deal in cleaning up the messes of peoples lives after they have made a mess of them with what ever it is that ailes them.