Parenting is Evolving Away From Spanking
Believe it or not, parents are becoming less violent as time goes by. This should give us some hope.
Psychohistorian Lloyd de Mause puts it like this:
"The history of childhood is a nightmare from which we have only recently begun to awaken. The further back in history one goes, the lower the level of childcare, and the more likely children are to be killed, abandoned, terrorised, and sexually abused."
The study of the history of parenting reveals awful truths about the collective experience of our species over time. There was a time when practices such as infanticide and child abandonment were not only prevalent in many cultures, but were regarded as socially acceptable.
It has only been a very short amount of time that we have rightly named violence toward women "domestic violence," and violence toward children "abuse." As recently as a few decades ago, these behaviors were largely regarded as private family affairs, and as such, not subject to the scrutiny of public morality.
Spanking is a tool of parenting that is squarely in the path of this evolutionary trend away from violence. It is a practice that disrespects and threatens the most vulnerable members of our society. After all, if we strike another adult in order to change their behavior, it's called "assault." Hit your partner, it's "domestic violence." Hit a child? ...well, that's called spanking.
In the last couple of centuries, all kinds of violence has been challenged. Arguments were made in favor of slavery and torture that would be regarded by most modern people as heinous.
I'm not trying to equate spanking with slavery. But it illustrates the point that the defense of violence has, over time, been trumped by the advance of nurturance and empathy. It is possible to envision a time when spanking has gone the way of other antiquated violent tools of parenting, when parents are informed and equipped with other ways of regulating their own feelings, so that they can guide their children toward the kind of future they imagine.
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I do not agree with spanking for many reasons. When i was a child not only did I get spanked i was abused mentally, physicaly, and sexualy. Although hard to talk about it did happen. The only thing that hitting or spanking does for a child is make them have zero self asteem, confidence,and makes them lose respect for their parents as a role model or diceplinarian. If you dont think that it will knowing from experiance I definetly lost all respect for them and they cant get that back. although a different situation on my part, That will happen as a result in some way or another. You dont want to be your child's friend but you also want their respect and they want yours and they will definetly respect you more for treating them like an adult and talking to them instead of using physical force.
My Dad didn't smack a lot-but made sure if i was naughty i still had a VERY VERY sore bottom!!, he would lay me across his knee and rub my bare bottom hard for about 30 seconds with a piece of sandpaper!!, it felt like my bottom was on fire and i ALWAYS cried afterwards then i'de get a telling off.
i have aan almost 3 yr old...i have tried everything to get him to behave and spanking just isn't the way to go. You end up spanking for the same reasons time after time. Spanking to me is an action of self fullfillment. It makes the parent feel horrible afterwards while your child cries and when you do spank it just seems as though you as the parent only feel better for a split second. It makes you feel like you have control when you don't.
Parents are MORE violent now. Where are you getting your stats? The post here is completely wrong in every way. There are more instances of abuse, more instances of child killing, etc. A third of all abused children will abuse their own in the future. So despite what the psychs say, stats don't lie.
http://www.childhelp.org/resources/learning-center/statistics
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/can.cfm
I agree that HITTING a child is child abuse. But for the rest of your statement, you should go in to the homes I've gone into and seen what happens when there is no punishment for anyone's actions.
On a side note, The word and philiosophy of "Parenting" is the wrong way to raise a child. "Child Rearing" is child centered, making sure the child grows up needing everything he/she needs (or doesn't need). "Parenting" always has the connotation of making sure the parent feels good about what they are doing (ignoring what the child needs completely). I'm too young to be a baby boomer, but that's typical baby boomer psych hogwash (thanks to Dr. Spock no less).
Discipline is very important, and that sometimes includes punishment (not hitting). Spanking is a euphemism for hitting. It is hitting a child's buttocks for the purpose of causing pain. It is unethical to categorize beating an adult on the buttocks as sexual assault, and exempt an impressionable and susceptible child from the same protection.
Of course criminal violence would be up AFTER violence is defined as a CRIME. Not before (when slavery, beating a child to death, beating or "chastising" your wife was LEGAL. Its OK.
"needing" is "getting"
Children are NOT small adults! They are C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N. They cannot be reasoned with until they develop reasoning. Spanking during the formative stages does nothing more than get their A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N so that they become amenable to reasoning. Spanking is but a deterrent against future folly.
We howl over government intrusion into the bedroom but invite oversight for child rearing? You can't take away people's right to be wrong. In a genuinely free society, there will always be a segment that will be evil, malicious, ignorant, religious, disenfranchised, special, ad infinitum. To disallow any one of them is to attempt to perfect mankind. A noble gesture that has historically promoted institutional abuse and even genocide. [Spanish Inquisition, Stalin’s purges, European Jews, etc]
Spanking is different from genocide, but where in a free society do we draw the boundaries between private responsibility and Big Brother intrusion?
There are some adults who cannot be reasoned with because they are not reasonable people. There are some old people whose minds have gone and they act childish. We are certainly not allowed to spank them to get their attention because to do so means assault under the law. Because of this we must seek out and employ non violent methods to deal with these people. The same should be true with children. As long as the law allows spanking, there will be no incentive for certain lazy parents to seek out and employ less violent methods. The only way for this to happen is to take away the legal excuse for spanking. If you want to get the people to use Dollar coins you have to stop printing Dollar bills.
Not being disrespectful, but your argument and logic does not make sense to me. Children are DEVELOPING. People who suffer from organic brain disorders are NOT developing--they have been adults--they are not moving toward adulthood. Also, it has been my experience (working with CPS, facilitating family therapy, currently working as a prison psychologist) that "lazy parents" don't spank--they abuse. By definition, lazy equates to selfish. These parents have themselves only in mind, that children tend to get in the way of their schedule/agenda, and view children as an inconvenience, not a blessing. Setting parameters, through the most extreme case, 'spanking' a child is the most loving thing a parent can do. Sounds barbaric? Yes, I know. But having three children of my own, I can testify to the positive effect this can have (at appropriate times, manner, degree, and intent). I liken all forms of discipline to fencing--around a pasture that dictates to livestock the parameters of their movement. It's not that it limits or restricts, but that it liberates and communicates all the locations that are permittable for travel. So the same is true for parenting--children are comforted and are at peace in knowing what is acceptable behavior, speech, and the like. Sorry for the cow metaphor--I'm a Texan, it seems to come natural. Ha-ha.
I can see your point on what you said on there is a time and a place and all of that but speaking from experiance the parent just has to know there limit and if they go to far with it then the child has every right to lose respect for their parents/parent. But if kids are raised appropreatly then they usually will know right from wrong and then this isnt even an issue.
except the government is allowed to print what it likes.....