How Should You Discipline Your Child?

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I want to emphasize two points that most parents miss when thinking about disciplining children.

1) Conventional wisdom (which is often wrong) states that discipline and punishment are synonymous. Not always. For example, when you use the term self-discipline are you referring to self-punishment? Or do you think self-discipline refers to thoughtful actions to obtain thoughtful goals? Doesn’t it make sense to use discipline that teaches your children how to engage in thoughtful actions to obtain thoughtful goals?

2) A referenced above, most adults to not take into consideration that children are always making decisions about who they are (good, bad, capable, not capable, worthy, not worthy—and a gazillion other decisions that form the foundation of their future personalities). I remember feeling upset when I first heard that a child’s personality is formed by the time he or she is five-years-old. Now I understand why that is true. Children are also making decisions about others. Are they supportive or non-supportive, friendly or unfriendly, unconditionally loving or conditionally loving—and a gazillion other decisions in this category that lead to other decisions about what they should do to “survive” in this world (which often looks like misbehavior), or to thrive and develop all the characteristics and life skills most parents want for their children.

When adults don’t understand that children are always making decisions that affect the development of their personality and their actions, parents too often opt for the quick fix to deal with misbehavior—punishment.  When parents understand the developmental fact of constant decision making, they use non-punitive discipline. Please watch the video below where I explain the Five Criteria for Positive Discipline. You might want to read the article titled, “I Was Punished and I Turned Out Just Fine,” located at http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/I%20Was%20Punished.html.