Marriage provides protections for couples who have made a lifelong commitment to take care of and be responsible for each other. Keeping those commitments is harder when couples are barred from marriage, especially in tough times, because they may be denied the right to:
- stop an eviction when the landlord says unmarried adults cannot live together
- get social security benefits the couple earned through involuntary deductions to their paychecks
- get family medical leave to care for an ill partner
- make medical decisions for a partner in a coma
- visit a dying partner in the hospital
- carry out the wishes of a deceased partner for a memorial service and epitaph
- keep the home and personal possessions after a partner dies without a will and unknown relatives appear with a moving truck
Many same-sex couples cannot afford the legal documents that create the few protections available. Those who can afford them, while increasing their security, still find that the documents are sometimes ignored in certain situations. That is no surprise because the exclusion from marriage marks the couple as unworthy and thus deserving of discrimination. It’s wrong to put committed couples in harm’s way and cause these tragedies.
When Bobby Daniel was dying in a hospital, what he needed most was Bill Flanigan, his lifelong partner, by his side. But Bill was kept for hours in the waiting room until Bobby’s mother could fly in by plane, and this is what she had to say after learning about what happened: “Bill and Bobby were soul mates and one of the best couples I’ve known. They loved each other, took care of each other, came to family holidays as a couple and Bill still baby-sits for my grandson. If that isn’t family, then something is very wrong. When someone is dying, hospitals should be bringing families together rather than keeping them apart.”
Bill Flanigan spoke of his ordeal: “When you love someone and make a commitment to each other for good times and bad, there is an awful feeling when you can’t follow through on your promises. I have a huge hole in my heart, and my soul, because I wasn’t allowed to be with Bobby when he needed me most."
It’s wrong to stand in the way of couples trying to keep their promise to be there for each other in sickness and health and provide for each other in times of trouble or death.
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