How Should You Discipline Your Child?

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Effective discipline is about teaching, not about punishing bad behavior or asserting power. Power struggles are frustrating for both parents and children.  At the same time, as parents seek to keep children safe, make family life run smoothly, and encourage children to do things like homework and chores that aren't always fun, power struggles can be difficult to avoid.

As a parent, I’ve found that humor helps.  When I found myself yelling at my 6 year old  in response to his insistent refusal to help with a simple chore, we made a pact to whisper instead.  When my 8 year old and his friend teased a younger sibling on the way to school, we “threw teasing out the car window.”   All of my children enjoyed the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books by Betty MacDonald provide a wonderful set of humorous and effective “cures” for problems such as picky eating, back talk, and reluctance to go to bed, share, or bathe.

For children of all ages, genuine praise and appreciation for good behavior and positive effort is as important as setting and enforcing limits.   Research shows that such acknowledgement is especially important for babies and toddlers.   When parents and caregivers encourage effort and exploration and celebrate success, young children develop greater self-confidence and resilience, richer language, and stronger communication skills.   They are more likely to persist at challenging tasks.   Too few “yeses” and too many “no’s” can inhibit cognitive and social-emotional development and lead children to give up easily – as if they don’t expect to succeed.

Spanking is NOT an effective form of discipline.  It can teach a child that “might makes right.”  Also, it misses the opportunity to build understanding and self-control and to allow the child to make up for any harm he may have caused.