Children of Working Mothers Often Struggle With Boundaries

Ask any conscientious preschool teacher and she’ll tell you that the students who act up the most in her classroom tend to have working mothers. Indeed, discipline is a vital part of the work mothers at home do every day; consequently, working mothers are more likely to experience power struggles with their children since they have not been available from the beginning, on a consistent basis, to do this work. Instead they are forced to rely on others to discipline their children for them -- and their children, confused by the boundaries of good behavior, often lash out. Working mothers are also less inclined to discipline their children during the hours they are with them simply because they have not seen them all day and do not want to spend what little time they have together having an argument.
 


Shay's picture

First, preschool teachers choose the profession that they have expecting young children that are often unruly for the simple fact that they are young children. Also, if one looks at a family demographic, if there is a father in the picture, he tends to be the one to shell out the most dicipline, leading one to believe that it is he who should be home the most in order to control the children. Things such as power struggles do often occur at home but it is my belief that they happen because the child wants to be an individual at certain times, not because they resent their mother from working. Children lash out constantly, mainly for reasons that are illogical but whether or not their mother works would not be high on my list for why they decided to do this. Based on my own experience, I do not believe that mothers hold back on disciplining their child just because they work. There are mothers that discipline to frequently, and those that don't do it enough. This says more about the mother's personality than anything else. As a child grows, many hours are commenly spent arguing whether a mother works or not; it is simply a fact of life that children agrue and disagree with their parents.

GraceG's picture

From the argument that “working mothers are also less inclined to discipline their children during the hours they are with them simply because they have not seen them all day and do not want to spend what little time they have together having an argument,” my point of view was formed. I believe that working mothers do not want to punish their children after not seeing them all day. These mothers may feel as if their children will only see them as absent disciplinarians. Others may argue that the children will appreciate the discipline, but how can a young child or teenager understand this position? These mothers have a huge fence to straddle and most of the decision will be based on the family’s values and situations.

GraceG's picture

When children are with their parents, they should be receiving discipline from both parents. But at a daycare, the child may not be getting the right discipline for their wrong actions. In effect, the child may attempt to get away with these actions at home and eventually will succeed.

Najma jay's picture

Again you are so wrong on this one, it comes down to a moms attitude be it working mom or not. Working moms are not lazy, stupid and irresponsible to depend on others to bring up their kids. They are very involved in their child's day asking teachers questions and giving instructions about naps sleep, food, its not like we throw our kids and run to the door. I for one do not believe in i have worked all day I shouldnt be the bad guy now, if they act out i make sure they are handled the way i used to when i used to be home, and that will never change. Like i said consistency is the key and many SAHM dont want to be the bad guys and in many cases children dont listen to mom since "ehhh she is home all day we are not going to listen to her" now if the dad walks in they will behave b/c he is less in picture, have you never seen SAHM threatening kids with "let your dad get home"
Its always the parent not the choice of WOHM or not, but parent itself, who set the boundaries and keep them regardless of if they work or not.
Are you seriously telling us that all kids to SAHM moms are free of issues emotional, physical and behavioral??? and i am suppose to buy that and feel guilty..???

anabelamml's picture

I agree that it comes down to the mothers attitude and the boundaries she sets with her kids, but the author isn't chastizing all working mom, only saying that working mothers have a more difficult role to play as both a provider, a nurture, and a disciplinarian, and because of that balancing act working moms as a whole have a greater tendency to not want to be the bad guy. As a person who is expecting a child, a former nanny for more families than I can remember, & who has 11 nieces and nephews & even more friends with kids, its been interesting to watch the parenting around me. The tendency is that the moms who work or are otherwise taken away from their children tend to be the ones who struggle the most with creating boundaries/ being the disciplinarian. It's not to say they are all that way... but that's the trend. My best friend has gone to a doctor to see if her kid has autismonly to be told by multiple doctors counselors, and friends that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her 3.5 year old... she's just 3.5... my S-I-L lets my baby niece literally walk all over her- until my brother steps in to say no... a woman I worked as a nanny for in CT felt so overwhelmed by motherhood, but she felt guilty about hiring a nanny and therefore never followed through with punishments. And then there is my sister... stay at home mom who had absolutely rotten kids, who were never punished, but who are suddenly turning into very nice young adults. I don't think the author was trying to make you feel guilty, only trying to make parents aware of the potential for a tendency that occurs when women are pulled in too many directions. As a person who plans to go back to work after my baby is born, I can tell you, I'm glad someone has acknowledged the situation... rather than just blaming some kids poor behavior on things like ADHD or autism .

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