All Babies, Families and Situations are Different
Babies need a lot of sleep and for specific situations and
when done responsibly, cry-it-out can be an effective solution for some sleep
problems.
All babies have different personalities and temperaments and what
works for one (such as simply developing a good bedtime routine) is not enough
for others. There is a wide spectrum of personalities and they are complex as to what
will work for one baby over another. Some babies sleep all night at 8 weeks
while others take a whole year or more. The number of times per night they are
waking up during that time will be crucial in what strategies a parent might
use to help the whole family get more sleep.
A parent’s personality will be a
factor, too, in whether the family can (or wants to) co-sleep and what the
parent can sustain for a lengthy period of time, numerous times per night.
While one baby can be rocked for 10 minutes and then proceeds to sleep all
night, another baby will need to be rocked for an hour at bedtime and then
every 1-2 hours after that (or will need to nurse every 2 hours or needs a
bottle every 2 hours or needs a pacifier replaced 5-10 times each and every night).
Sleep deprivation is unhealthy for everyone and parents can
be more patient and effective on a good night’s rest. We ALL feel better on a full
night’s rest, including babies and children. It’s not just hard on parents, but
sleep is instrumental to a baby’s mind and body development, as well as mood
and behavior, so while they’re might be benefits to the parent’s, it is mostly
important for the baby involved that he gets enough sleep. There is not a
one-size-fits-all approach that will work for every baby and every family, and it is not up to each of us to judge another parent's philosophy or decisions they need to make for their family.
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You cannot compare babies/children to adults when talking about learning new sleep routines if given the opportunity as a baby's/child's brain is in nowhere near developed as an adult's brain. Their brain is still developing in the areas which let them understand why they are being expected to self soothe and therefore THIS is why it IS wrong to expect a baby to learn something that their brain is not ready for. You cannot expect a baby to learn to do something that their brain is not ready for - they are not learning, they are giving up. When they are old enough to understand, they will begin to self soothe. Once separation anxiety dies down, they may start to understand that it is ok to self soothe as Mum & Dad are close by and will be there when I wake up....separation anxiety can last up to 3 years for some - not 9mths max.
And protest cries are emotional. For some 'experts' to claim there is an emotional cry and a protest cry is also ridiculous. If a baby is protesting, they are scared. If they are scared, it is emotional. They are only babies. Which is why it is awful to dismiss their emotions and not attend to their needs. Whether it be 20mins 2 nights in a row or every night for 3 months - never ok. Would u like it it nobody ever attended to your emotional needs? I'd like to hear how many babies cry for 10-20mins maximum for 2 nights in a row ONLY before they magically began self soothing and sleeping through the night. I have never heard of something so easy!!
Some kids need to cry it out. Others are actually hurting. We just need to make sure that a kid that is crying isnt hurting.
My experience with two very different kids is that when you are already thinking about letting the child crying until falling asleep you are missing your child's clues, which by the way are as confusing as they can be, sometimes.
And having one of the most egotistical wives I have ever known does not help.
So, my message is you have to be patient and hear carefully what your child is communicating, and act accordingly, even if this means sometimes letting him cry alone.
When is the problem a tantrum and not a difficulty sleeping for example? It is more frequent than you imagine. When is it a breathing problem? Also, more frequent than you imagine.
"Babies need a lot of sleep and for specific situations and when done responsibly, cry-it-out can be an effective solution for some sleep problems."
I agree with the first part of the statement but CIO is never a good option. Prolongued crying ALWAYS jacks up a baby's heart rate and is stressful. The sleep that comes from such a state is not a nice slumber, it is collapsing after being upset about having been left alone. There are other ways to help babies fall asleep; from putting them into a sling (for naps) to lying next to them until they drift off to sleep etc. It doesn't mean co-sleeping. Parents just have to be creative. For babies who are "bad" (not a helpful label) sleepers that means more parent involvement. Anything else can wait after all.
It really depends on how you define "cry it out" and "prolonged crying". Some babies literally cry 5-10 minutes and go to sleep. To one parent, that might be prolonged and others would call it "fussing". Slings are a great option, but what about when baby is 10 months old and still not sleeping and cranky and desperate for sleep? Yes, other things can wait but what if you have 3 other kids to care for and your baby needs you to hold him for 2 hours for 3 naps a day and every 2 hours at night? There are a lot of different scenarios, which is why I said families and situations vary. Also, you are assuming baby is ALWAYS crying before every nap and every night before bedtime. There are babies who cry for 20 minutes for 2 nights at bedtime and proceed to sleep through the night every night thereafter. Again, situations vary and that's why sometimes cry-it-out is effective and the right solution for some families. If you define cry-it-out as baby crying for an hour every night for 3 months, then that is very different than a baby crying for 2 nights, for example.
You said it. Thanks a bunch
Okay why does staying up with the baby is the only way of parent involvement. Why is not developing sleep associations and working with the baby to help them sleep from the beginning i.e. 3 months is not more parent involvement. May be people need to read more about sleep and how to promote healthy sleep rather than trying to predict when will the baby make a noise next so they can run to the room to stop it or give them the breast and wait 15 min to slowly remove it and pat them to sleep. That is just reinforcing what you are trying to break.
I agree esp. with the part that not every one can continue or even try to co-sleep and be happy with the disrupted sleep. I certainly am not the one with the "if I want to sleep I am a bad parent" mindset.
But I also dont judge parents who want to share beds and have 8-9 year old kids in a family bed, every one knows what works for them
everyone knows what works for them. When, what and how you choose to deal with sleep and your children is totally up to you. I believe Nicole Johnson is saying try it all, see what works and this may include some crying. This is a far more realistic, open minded and supportive approach in my opinion.