A Few Examples of Non-Punitive Discipline
Involve children in focusing on solutions through family meetings or joint problem-solving sessions. Another possibility is to help children explore the consequences of their choices through curiosity questions instead of imposing consequences (poorly disguised punishment) on them. What happened? What do you think caused that to happen? What ideas do you have to solve that problem? Instead of using punitive time-out, teach children to create their own self-soothing place where they can go when they are upset until they calm down because children do better when they feel better and can engage their rational brains—something they can’t do when upset.
Sign up for the OV Daily Newsletter
OV Social
This style of " parenting ", if it can be labeled as such, is quite probably one of the least ineffective out there. Since when does involving a child in decisions that he cannot yet comprehend help him grow to be a fully-functioning, well-principled, contributing member of society ? Is this even what this approach aims for? Or have you changed the entire purpose of parenting? For decades (centuries! millenia even!) the entire point of parents was to raise an adult. A good adult. What they did during their childrens' youths was all so as to ensure that that child would be a contributing member of society (and any relevant religious goals)... This method never corrects inappropriate behavior by the child, it only ensures in-the-moment happiness for the children and guarantees that the child will never actually grow up, will never actually become accustomed to the real world. The real world will not ask for input from the child before making a decision. The real world consists of consequences for decisions made-- if the child does not pay rent, for example, (providing he ever moves out, which is not likely, as the parents will "consider what he wants" and he will not likely inflict responsibility upon himself) then he will be kicked out. The landlords will not consult with him first, allowing him to take a moment to be in his self-soothing place and come up with a response that he'd favor... they will evict him, because the only consequence for not paying rent is eviction. How do you really expect this to work? It may sound nice and good and happy to those reading it, but take the time to examine how it ends in the long run... How the children actually turn out... better yet, examine the downturn that America has taken since such "parenting" has become the norm, using schooling, test scores, average age at which a child moves out and gets a job, how often those children move back, how much more those children cost their parents than a generation previously... You'll find plenty of proof that this approach is nothing but a failure.